hear. you. me.

Video Games;

2012-02-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

It's you, it's you, it's all for you, everything I do.

And I pray that tonight, somewhere deep inside you, you'd know that you're the only hand that I want to hold, you're the eyes I wanna stare and get lost in, you're the only voice I want to hear, you're the only lips I wanna kiss, and you're the only girl that I wanna whisper those three words to.

And because I've never believed in valentines day, so you'll be the first person that I'll ever want to celebrate valentines day with, and that has actually made me think of ways just to make you smile and hold you tight on this very day.

At the end of the day, it's not the exchange of 'I love you's' that matter, it not the 'I miss you's' that matter, what matters is seeing you happy, and feeling the love and warmth that I've been trying to shower you with.

Happy valentines day, Lee Min Yen, with every love hormone I have left in me, I mean this from the very bottom of my heart and soul and I hope that you'd see that you're the only one that I want to hold to closer more than ever, tonight.

*************

It's you, it's you, it's all for you,

everything I do.

Lego House;

2012-02-10T11:21:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, tomorrow.

And my hands are shaking as I'm typing this now, with the thoughts of being around you, with the thought of being able to look at you directly in the eyes, and stroking your hair backwards just to whisper to your ears how much I've been waiting for this day for the past 6 months and how much I love you that sometimes, it does hurt.

I've never stopped waiting, be it then, now, or in the future, I've never stopped waiting for you.

And I promise you darling, that I'll always be here to pick you up when you're getting down, side by side, step by step, never away from you. And out of all these things I've done, I know I'm ready to love you better than how I ever had before.

Come tuesday, and I'll try to steal your heart with a single breath, trust me, you'll see.

11 days, and tonight, we can truly say, together we are invincible.

****************

I'm gonna paint you by the numbers,

and frame you up my wall.

City Love;

2012-02-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

'I love you because I know you’re always there, there to catch me when I fall, there to listen when I need you, there when I feel alone. I love you because you understand me, you know how I feel even when I can’t say it. You know I’m not as strong as I say and still you never let me know that I’m not fooling you. I love you because you make me believe, believe that I am not worthless. Believe that I can be loved, am loved, and can love others. I love you because you know, you know I feel this way but can’t say it and still you wait, letting me take my time to come to terms with the fact that I love you. I would give my life up to be with you, and above all never hurt you, lie to you, or leave you.'

Well, that's the voice of a heart that longs for a special someone, a voice of hope, faith, and courage.

As for me, I love you because of who you are and what I know that you will be, and most of all, its because I know you see me in a way that no other else do, and the truth is, if I could be with anyone, I'd still choose you hands down, be it now, in the next 5 years, or whether in the next life, it'd still be you.

xx.

****************

So tell me,

how can you dance with a devil on your back?

Count The Waves;

2012-02-08T12:36:00.001-08:00

You're sleeping now, like how a baby sleeps after a long day, cuddling up in the corners of your bed.

Because watching you sleep is a hundred folds more beautiful than watching the moon gaze at the stars in the night and the sun rising between the curves of the highest mountains in the morning.

You make my heart blue and flutter and the same time, with that quirky smile of your and your random facial expression.

I love you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen, over the moon and back again.

14 more days, just hang in the little darling, and I promise that we'll see this world through the way we've seen it once again.

************

This is no time to be alone,

and I will never let you go.

Heart In A Postcard;

2012-02-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

Listen, with a heart of silence and a mind of grace, just listen to the words she lay cause here's a song for the one who stole my heart and ran so far that cupid couldn't catch her.

Because I've always been two steps besides you and I will always be next to you, through it all, every single day, just because my heart skips a beat whenever I see you smile.

And I'll be here for you to shout to, whenever you're having a bad day, just so you'd feel better after that. I'll be here for you to fall back and lean on, just when you feel that you have to much weight on your shoulder. I'll be here for you to listen to the best things that happened in that day, with my ears wide open.

I'd always be here for you to run to, whether you're having a good or bad day, I'd be standing right here for you to seek solitude, because you have a good good heart that shines brighter than anyone. Because even now, I can still feel your skin, I can still feel your hands gently across mine, I can still feel your eyes watch over me as I strum, I can still see your smile and hear your hums, I can still feel your face, resting on my chest, and your hair blowing across my face.

So come on skinny love, do know that I love you, I always have, and I always will.

****************

Come on skinny love, what happened here.

To The Girl Of My Dreams;

2012-02-05T06:27:00.001-08:00

It's always when you feel that you're finally moving a step forward, that you'd always come across something, somehow, somewhere down the road that will hook you two steps backwards.

I've learned that my heart is vulnerable, that the foundation of the walls that I've built has all came crumbling down, and that there are times where the subconscious pain comes seeping in unnoticed, mutilating every sense of confidence I have left in me by projecting fond memories of us together, memories that I hold dearest to the heart, as well as the thought of what could have been, and what thing would have been like if I had fought for you a little harder and stronger in the past.

But on the other note, I've also learned that no matter what happens, no matter how awfully painful it may be, or however long it will take, I've learned that you'll always be the one who will hold this heart of mine, and I'll always be here, ever ready to hold your hand and cross over to the other side, where the grass is greener, the air smells nicer, and the sun shines brighter.

I don't know how, but I hope that these words would make you catch a glimpse of how I feel because this is as honest and as real as it can get, and I'd hope that you'd understand that I'm here to stay.

This is what I've learned, and this is how I'll always feel for you, now and forever.

*************

Bless your soul, you have your head in the clouds.

Super Something;

2012-02-04T09:41:00.000-08:00

Because every corner that I turn to, every piece of mellow tune that I listen to, every conversation I have with someone else, somehow reminds me of you, and everything we've ever shared and then I'd close my eyes, with my hands clasp so tight just to feel what is it like to actually have you standing right infront of me now.

And I still decorate my life with the things you love everyday, just incase if you showed up, so you'd be able to see how much you changed my life.

And no matter how much I'd try to fight it, I'd always fall back into your gravity, just like how a bee would always go back to the flowers.

People come and people go, but you're that one person that I'd fight to keep constantly, just because you are Lee Min Yen, just because you're like a poster on my wall, just because you'll always have a the most wholesome grip to my heart with the way you make me feel through every shiver you send down my spine. You'd see that I'd be better, stronger, and at my best for you, for me, and for everything in the past, present, and future.

I love you supergirl, with everything I am, and everything I want to be, more and more with every beat of the heart, just like how a hero would always love his heroin, and I hope that you'd know this always.

Feel the heart beat in my mind.

**************

You don't have to be afraid,

for I am just like you.

Hold You, Feel You, Touch You, Always;

2012-02-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

And I guess I now know why they say that the darkest times of the day falls between 3 am to 3.30am, because tonight, thoughts and memories all came rushing through my mind, almost like a soldier firing an artillery of bullets right straight through the head, each piercing the very sole painful area in which I've longed tried to buried.

And tonight, I'm just going to pour out my heart for you because I don't know how else to say that I love you with every inch of muscle that works within my heart, so listen closely, for these are the very sole poems of the heart that has been kept for you, and only you.

I remember that very first night when Pardeep first showed me a picture of you 9 months ago, and somehow, I had this small tickle through my spine when I first laid eyes on you, virtually. It was that kinda feeling one way or another, you'd just know that this person is going to special, but you don't know how it'd happen, and when. But I thank god everyday for colliding our paths ever since then, because honestly, you've been nothing but a blessing, from the way you are, the nature of your heart, the way your smile is carved on your face, the way you know just the right things to say to make my heart race and most of all, the kinda love you give me effortlessly which completed me as a whole.

Things might not have worked out for the best between us, and I admit, things could have been better and more colourful, but I've never looked back or regretted any of it. Because not matter what, one thing's for sure, I've never given up faith on us, not for a second, not even the thought about it, because I knew that when you first laid your heart on my chest that very night in my room, I knew that you were that very one soul out of the 5.9 billion people that I've always been looking for, and I knew that I'd be a fool if I were to just let you slip away like that, to let go of what I knew was precious to me. The thought of you, the picture of your face, the sound of your voice, the touch of your hands, the texture of your lips, the warmth of your hugs is something that plays through my mind everyday, almost like a recorder which only has the loop button because when I think of you, and everything about you, it all feels so surreal, to be able to feel that warmth as if we were still living in that very moment, in a moment where I felt complete, in a moment where I knew we were genuinely happy knowing that we had each other by our sides to conquer whatever that was ahead of us, in a moment where I feel privileged to be able to give my heart to you and still love you till the very ends of the earth.

And words can only say so much about how much I miss you and how much I long for you to fall back into my arms to wrap you around them tighter than ever before, just to give you that sense of security and that promise that I'd be here for you through it all no matter what, no matter when. I love the way you're insecure about your dressing at times, but yet you'd pull off breath taking outfits everytime, I love the way you'd whip all your hair to one side and make that fringe of yours just to tease me, I miss how you're so enthusiastic whenever you talk about your make up, I miss the way you shout at me, I miss the way you'd scold me whenever I do or say something stupid, I love the way you'd cook for me late at night even though you're dead tired, just to make sure I wouldn't go to bed hungry, I miss all the smoke breaks we had whenever we're revising for exams, I miss the nights where you'd sit infront of me with your head on my chest whenever we watch crime watch before we sleep, I miss the way you'd smile at me over skype, I miss the way we'd stare into each other's eyes and know just how lucky I am to have you right here, right now, I miss the way you call me fat, I miss the way you'd tell me about your day, I miss the way you'd overthink sometimes, I miss hugging you in the cold, I miss holding your hand and walk to dinni's for lunch everyday, I miss watching you fall asleep every night just to know that you're safe next to me, I miss the way you'd steal the blankets off me, I miss waking up to you in the morning and sleeping next to you at night, I miss the way I'd whisper 'Good morning, baby' every morning which giving you a forehead kiss, and honestly, all these images, the feeling that we shared, they all still pump through my blood everyday, like cocaine, raw cocaine.

I miss you, I love you and everything about you, the good, the bad, and everything in between, without a doubt, because to love you is to be with you through thick and thin, through it all.

I don't need all the gemstones or fame in the world, I don't need the shooting stars or the moon to smile back at me, for all I need is your steady hand, your kind soul to keep my heart with, and to know that I'd be able to fall asleep and wake up, knowing that my heart is save with you and all the love that I have for you. Therefore, I'm not giving up, even if it takes me to walk a thousand miles, or wait for a thousand years, because what you've gave me, what you are to me makes it all worthwhile, even if its just being able to hold you for a day, I'd still do whatever it takes. The happiness, peace, solitude, and joy you give me whenever you are around me is irreplaceable, and for me, its something that I'd pray for every night.

I've fell in love with you ever since 8 months ago and I've never stopped loving you, and I promise to always love you, just because you're the only girl who's managed to sweep me off my feet and steal my heart every time I see you, and you'd somehow have this magical force that would pull me right back to you whenever you're around me. I may not be the most romantic of guys, but I promise you that I will be the truest, most honest, most sincere, most genuine, and most loving guy that you'd ever encounter in your life so far. This is my oath to you, this is what I'll provide you with endlessly, and my promise that I vow to keep no matter what gets in the way, if you'd allow me the chance to show you and let you feel it all.

'My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewellery,
whichever you'd prefer.'

I love you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen, and you will always always be that girl whom I'll always want to the prince to, and the girl who'll never fail to make my heart flutter with the sound of your name <3.

Always and forever, forever and always till the rivers all run dry, always remember this, do remember, and I'll hope that you'll see this through with me.

*****************

May you live to a hundred,

and for me, a hundred minus one,

so that I'll never know that a beautiful person like you, has passed away.

Iris;

2012-02-01T09:35:00.000-08:00

And I've been praying harder that ever, with my fingers sealed in between one another, my tongue move to the sounds of my mind, just to be able to hold you in my arms once again.

Because it fucking hurts to see where we are now, to see us fall back into little black hole where everything feels different, as opposed to how we were 2 weeks ago or so, because I fucking miss you, more than you'd ever know, and even typing this is feels like a thousand stabs to the heart.

And it's the kinda of pain where only you have the remedy to it.

And the worst part is that I don't know what went wrong or where did it all go wrong, and I'm trying so desperately to turn this around, because I need you so much closer, more than ever before, and because this heart is screaming louder than ever before.

I still feel you all in every breath I take, in every sight I make, and in every phrase I hear, that's how much you've changed my life and I really hope you can see it.

I love you, with every step I take, with every move I make, so much so, that words can only express a minute extract of it. So please, take my hand, take this jump with me, have a little faith in us, and I promise I'm not going to let you go, because I swear, I'd make you feel like you were born to rule this world.

I'd still pour out my heart for you, in every way, just to let you listen to these ballads that I've been longing to sing to you everyday.

************

With all these words to say and hearts to feel.

21;

2012-01-31T10:49:00.000-08:00

Because tonight I've really fallen and I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

And I don't know why it hurts so badly tonight, and I can swear that this is something I've never ever felt before throughout the past 6 months. I guess it's this idea of what could have happened that stings, because its this whole reality that differs from this holistic imagination kills, simply because when you came into my life, you took a part of me with you, the part where it all matters the most, the heart.

I miss your voice, I miss watching you sleep so ever gracefully, I miss laughing whenever you catch me lying about something just to protect my alpha-maleness, I miss your presence, I miss just being around you, I miss sitting down and watching you cook, I miss your morning face, I miss your morning breath, I miss giving you forehead kisses, I miss carrying you to the shower, I miss carrying you and spinning you and the rhythm of your laughter, I miss telling you how beautiful and radiant you are, I miss your insecurities about your outfits, I miss you asking me to call you when you're in the cab, but most of all, I miss that feeling of completeness, in which only you can give to me.

And I guess this is why it hurts, because this longing, this desire to be with that special someone of such high magnitude is something I've never ever experienced before and you're the first, and to see where we are now compared to two weeks ago, where everything seemed to fall just in the right places, mortifies this heart even more.

But despite that, I've not going anywhere and I'm here to stay to show you mean to me. I've never stopped loving you, Lee Min Yen, not for a single milli second and I'll love you in silence, because in silence, there is no fear of rejection, and I'll also love you in loneliness, because in loneliness, no one owns you, but me.

Patience, faith, and with all the blessings from the angels, I hope that you'd somehow still read these posts, because these are the words that I mean with all my heart and soul but never had the courage to say to you.

**************

But I miss you like hell,
I still hear you in old piano.

Knife Party;

2012-01-30T11:09:00.000-08:00

Becuase this song reminds me of you in everyway, and it's hauntingly beautiful.

It's you, it was always you, and will always be you.

***********

And it's times like these,

you'd learn to live again.

In Paris;

2012-01-30T08:30:00.000-08:00

And its' because ever since you've came up to KL, I wish that you're right here next to me whenever I'm in bangsar, just because I miss the look on your face when you had your first banana leaf rice. And everytime I pass by Pelita, I'd wish we'd go back to the night where we'd be sitting opposite each other, watching you have your maggi goreng. And whenever 'The One That Got Away' comes on the radio whenever I drive, I'd wish that you'd be sitting at the passanger seat just so I'd be able to steal little glances at you that would make my heart flutter.

I know that nobody's perfect in this world, but with you, well for me, you're as close as perfection can be. And it's because you have a heart so big that knows no bounds, and I've never seen someone who's willing to go all out and help their loved ones as sincerely, as you.

And because with you, life's definitely more exciting, just simply because of the way you make me be whenever I'm around you. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you'd lie on my lap whenever I'm driving, gives me a reason to believe in love again, and trust me, I'd want to go back to that little bubble where everything was where it was supposed to be.

And I'd wait, I'd do whatever it takes, at all lengths, just to have a chance at stealing your heart again, because all these years, I could have sworn that I've never been so certain of what I want in my life, until you crossed my path and that was when I knew that you are that worthwhile. So I'd wait patiently, and when you're ready, I'll be waiting for you at the corner where we used to meet and my arms will be open, together with my lips armored with those three words that I've been longing to look into your eyes and say it to you with the fullest passion and love.

I'd always be right here beside you, through the times whenever you feel that you're lost as well as your happiest moments, because nothing gives me that kinda satisfaction and joy to see you smile as wide as a lark and enjoy your day to the fullest.

I miss you, I love you, and everything in between those two spectrum, just simply because you'll have charm in you that you're born with that will always have a spell on me no matter how hard I try to fight it, little darling.

Now isin't this a song already?

******************

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.

Everything;

2012-01-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

There are 6 billion souls out there, each and everyone with their perception of their very own ideal version of paradise spent with their significant other in their heads, often replaying and patiently waiting for the right one to cross their path.

Well for me, it's waking up beside you, just to watch the sunrise on your face, bolstering my arms around your waist and yours on mine, with your head leaned towards my left shoulder, and to tell you that I love you, at any given time or at at given place. And this, I'd only want to do it with you.

And tonight, I miss you like hell. The sudden rush of raw thoughts, fear, and the longing to be next to you hit me right at where it intended to. And I need you to hold my hand, look me in the eye and tell me that everything's going to be okay.

I've never wanted to be with anyone this badly and you're definitely the first, Lee Min Yen, and this is why I love you till death, with the hope that you'd just give us one more chance.

Where are you now, because it's times like these where I think of you and I wonder if you think of me.

***************

And it's the joy you bring,

when you've got that special thing.

They Do, They Don't;

2012-01-27T12:46:00.000-08:00

And because everything that we have now, is everything that I've been dreaming off for the past 4 months, and I'm loving every single moment of it,

Those glances we throw at each other, those little smiles I'd throw at you whenever you make faces, your constant insecurities about the way you dress when actually, you dress even better than them hollywood blondies, the way we'd sneakily call each other fancy names and pretend not to hear each other, all these, they all feel so surreal.

And its times like these, moments like these that I wish us humans are all granted one chance, just to freeze time, or even replay it on a constant loop of one moment in our entire life, just so that we'd could all be in that time spectrum with the one's we love. And for me, without a doubt, it'd be you, Lee Min Yen, and that night in Glenbrook where I first laid my arms around you and the way you fit right perfectly in it.

And tonight, my hands are shaking because I'd rather waste spend time with you than having all the riches in the world.

Look up, and gaze into the sky tonight darling, and just stare for as long as you can. Just like how there'll never be a limit to how high the sky can be, it's the same with the amount of love I harbor for you each and everyday in this mortal heart of mine, limitless.

I love you, munchkinsapplekinsstrawberrykinssugarpiekins, and the reason will always be you.

***************

I am June, and you're my Johnny Cash.

You, And Only You;

2012-01-26T09:15:00.000-08:00

Because just looking at you through skype, makes it feel like I'm right next to you, and it makes it all worthwhile.

Your presence, your voice, the feel of your hands on mine still lingers through every pore of my skin, and I can almost hear each and everyone of them sending codes to the heart, all with a common message, which is hold you in my arms again just to get a taste of what is it like to be complete.

And I'd write to you everyday until the day where I'll have the chance to lock my eyes onto yours and be lost in it. I'd write to you everyday because that's what my heart screams to my mind everyday, and each day, those screams get louder and firmer, solidifying its wishes to have you by my side once again, to love you, to care for you, to be the boy that you'd ever dream off, and most of all, to cherish you while whispering to your ears, you're the love of my life.

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, all over again, and I'm going to hold you close, and never let you go, not now, not in a million years, not ever, you have my word.

So open your heart darling, listen to the voices screaming we're meant for something bigger than this.

****************

Heart beats fast, colours and promises.

Where Did My Baby Go;

2012-01-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

27, just 27 more days and we'll be on the other side where the sun shines brighter, the grass is greener and the air is fresher, all because you'll be there.

And with this said, I'll make an oath to you, an oath where you'd be the first person to ever receive it, an oath that is evolved from the deepest areas of my heart, an oath that represents the will of my heart, an oath that's here to last.

I'll always fight for you and I always have been fighting for you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen, because I know you're worth every single effort of you. It's all because I know being able to be with you, even if its just for a day would mean so much more than Louis Armstrong placing his foot on the moon. And because I know being with you fills my heart up with the brightest tinge of happiness a boy like me can ever ask for. And because I know being with you and having the chance to take care of you would be the greatest honor that my life has ever been blessed with, and I'd promise to take care of you with all my heart and soul. And because I know being you is all I've ever wanted, all I ever hoped for, and all I can ever ask for.

So give me some time, little darling. I am fighting for you, in my very own ways, I am. I know I might not be buying you roses and writing you love letters, but deep down inside, I'm summoning every inch of love I have for you to show you how much you mean to me.

So hold my hand a little longer, and don't write me, don't write us off just yet. I'm simply just waiting for the right time, for the time where you and I would be inches away from each other because that's when I'll let the colours in my heart burst. Because trust me, I'll pluck the stars and string them together into a necklace for you, I'd fly to the moon just to carve our names on the dusty floors, and I'd move mountains for you, and only you.

Have faith in me, in you, in us and we'll take this world by storm.

I love you, and I'd spell out to them every day for you just so you'd know I'm here to stay.

*******************

Now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger,

hold me up just a little bit longer.

I Set Fire To The Rain;

2012-01-24T09:11:00.000-08:00

It's nights like these that thoughts come creeping in my mind like poison seeping through the very veins in your body, and it's the desired outcomes that you picture in your mind that makes it all the more addictive.

And it's every time that I listen to your voice notes, everyone of them that you've ever sent to me before I sleep that makes me realize how much I wouldn't be complete without you. Every word you say, every intonation of your voice, they are music to my ears. And it's because every time I listen to them, I'd fall back to that place which where I keep closest to my heart. A place so warm, a place where I know that I wouldn't be alone, a place where I know I have a reason to love, and place with you.

I miss you, and everything about you. I don't know the in between bits, the gory bits of me, and the gory bits of you, but I know one thing's for sure, that no matter what it takes, I'd always be here to go through them with you.

Love isin't discriminating, well at least, not in my eyes. And it's because its every part of you, every trait, every characteristic of you, the good, the ugly that makes you, you that draws me closer to you. It's because you're honest to yourself, and it's because you're fearless to show the world who you really are that makes me say 'This is the girl of my dreams, this is the girl that I wanna be with for a 1000 years'.

So open up your heart, and let me treat you like how a boy treats a girl, with honour, faith, love, and respect. Take my hand, and let me take you to the other side where the grass is greener.

I love you, with every single heartbeat, and I've never doubted that ever since I queued behind you in Bass Lounge, and ever since then, I've never looked back.

I just thought you should know, because you're the one I still hold dearest to my heart.

**************

You're the beautiful mess that I wanna get lost in with.

Love Is A Four Letter Word;

2012-01-22T10:31:00.000-08:00

And it all hit me when I was in bangsar yesterday. I walked on the same path we walked, sat at the very same steps I did while staring at you, just to hopefully feel how I felt when you were around.

Honestly, every detail of those 4 days, from the time I saw you walking out the arrival hall, to how we started talking and laughing with each other in the car when we're both alone, to how you lay on my laps when I'm driving and the way I'd try to tell you how much I love you through the movement of my fingers while brushing hair, to how happy you are when you had your first plate of maggi goreng, they play in my mind on a constant loop mode. It's the first thing I'd think off when I'm up and it's the last thing I'd think off before I go to bed.

Yes, every single moment spent with you, be it from the first day I met you, up till now, is saved like an archive in my mind, a very much clear, non-distorted version.

But you know what they all have in common? It's the fact that no matter how many time I think of it, I'd always smile and grin to myself to every captured memory we've created throughout those 4 days because it was those 4 days that I felt invincible with you, that I felt we were somewhat one again, and trust me, I've never wanted that premonition to fade, and it was that very moment that I wished life had a big 'PAUSE' button in which we humans are entitled to use only once, because I know that if I could, those 4 days would have definitely made it into my list.

You're the only thing appears on and off my mind, like a flickering switch, and truth be told, this mind chooses to have your image imprinted in my head, for almost 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week. I hope you'd know how much you mean to me because I know to me, you shine brighter than all the billions and billions of stars summoned up in the sky, you mean more than all the prettiest things that has ever surfaced in this world. And it's someone like you whom puts an end to one's quest to finding the perfect thing in life, because you are the very sole definition of love, joy, laughter, serenity, and warmth. Well, at least to me you are.

I love you, my bonnie to my clyde, my apple to my eye, my key to my heart, and you're that beautiful mess that I wanna get lost in with forever. I'm here to stay, for as long as I'm able to walk with my two feet, and as much as it kills me to see him with you in pictures, and the things he writes to you, I'd wait, because I've never been anymore certain as to what I really treasure in life than now.

Believe in miracles everyday, because they do come true.

It was always you, it has always been you, just remember that.

*************

Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way.

Colours And Promises;

2012-01-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

I'll do whatever it takes, to turn this around.

And it's because it's all hitting me tonight, slowly but surely, hardly, and in such wholeness. I just need to let you know this, although I know I say it all the time.

I really really fucking love you, Lee Min Yen. And no matter what I'd have to go through just to lay your fingers in between mine, your head on my chest while listening to my heartbeat, to gaze into the eyes of the one I hold dearest to my heart, to brush your hair, every strand of it just to feel your forehead with my lips, and to have the chance to be the one who'll whisper those three words into your ears every night before you sleep and first thing when you wake up, I would go through it, without a doubt, I would.

And it's because when people ask me 'What are you doing, Julian', I'd always smile to myself and tell them 'Waiting for her, the one whom I've no regrets letting in to my life'.

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."

I fucking love you, do you know that?

*************

I've died everyday, waiting for you.

Make A Plan To Love Me;

2012-01-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

Just because I feel like letting you know 10 reasons why you're the one who still has a grip on my heart, like no other ;

1. Because you're the only one who makes me smile to myself like an idiot, no matter where I am, whenever you cross my mind, whenever I see something that reminds you of me, whenever I was a video of someone doing something that we used to do.

2. Because you know the right things to say to make my heart flutter, to make me feel like I'm on thin air.

3. Because just being next to you, or even just seeing you over skype, or whenever you call, still makes my heart race like as if I'm talking to you for the very first time in my life.

4. Because you're the only one who's managed to tear all the walls I've built to guard my heart, effortlessly, and you're the one that I'll wait patiently for a hint of a spark.

5. Because you're the only one that I would want to give up the world for, without even questioning myself, just to see you smile and know that you'll be safe for another day, and you're the one that I'm not ashamed to tell the whole world, how much I love you everyday.

6. Because you're the one I want to wake up to, and you're the only thing I want to end my day with.

7. Because you just have this thing in you that makes Julian Loh Wen-Zhi, be Julian Loh Wen-Zhi.

8. Because you're the only one that I wanna conquer my fears with, and yours with me.

9. Because you've taught me how to love again, because you've given me the taste of love way much more graceful and real, than a boy can ever ask for.

10. Because you make it all so real for me, you make it all worth while, because you're the one that no matter what happens, I would want to fight for and be there for you, just to hold you when you walk and catch you when you fall, and with you by my side, nothing else matters.

I love you, with all my heart and soul and these are just some of the reasons why you'd always have a spell on me.

I want to hold you so much closer tonight, so open up, let your heart run free because I know mine will always be there to catch yours back whenever you feel lost.

***********

Always and forever, forever and always.

Ears, Jawlines, Collarbones;

2012-01-18T11:56:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for not being able to see why you left your skype on through the night, and I fucking regret for not being able to read between the lines.

But that's all going to change now darling. No more heartburns, no more tears, no more doubts, no more sorrow from now onwards, and I'm going to make that happen for you. Ever since you walked out from the immigration gate 2 weeks ago in KL, the sight of you just somehow managed to shatter the very fortitude of walls that I've learned to build throughout the past 4 months. But you, you just have this charm, this spell that you weave so magically that you'll make my knees weak, you'll make my head spin, my heart race, my hands tremble and you'll send shivers down my spine, whenever you're next to me.

So cheer up little babybird, because it's all going to change now. I'm going to tell the world why I love you, I'm going to fight for you, be it now or in Melbourne, I'm not letting you slip from me ever again, and I'm going to fucking do whatever it takes just to feel your hands against mine, and your lips on mine, and our hearts melt together as one, I promise you this.

I'm proud of having you in my life, Lee Min Yen. And this time, the whole world is going to see that, I swear, because without you, who's eyes to compare to the glowing sun?

Because I've loved you, I've always loved you all along, far away for far too long.

So hold on to that faith, the very same one that I'm holding on to. Keep that in you, for me, for you, for us, now and forever.

**************

Come on try a little,
theres gotta be something better than, in the middle.

Diet For The Heart;

2012-01-18T07:45:00.000-08:00

And just because I still listen to all the voice notes that you've sent me, every single one of them every night, because they remind me how you've changed my life, how you've taught me how to love again.

For these past 2 nights, you've been appearing for the 17th and 18th time, both in the same place, the same time, the same feeling, the same chills, and the same kind of love you give me. The detail of it, the serendipity, the wholeness of it, it's embedded in my mind, and it feels like you're right here next to me, it's feels like as if my wishes came true.

I miss waking up to you, I miss kissing your forehead, I miss you pulling my hand just to hug you from the back and cuddle in bed, even if its just for a little while, I miss your wake up face, I miss you dressing up, I miss you asking me to rate your outfit, I miss you telling me what kinda make up you're putting on today. I miss you like hell, I fucking miss you and it's like time has this mind of it's own to move slower when you're not around and I hate that.

But most of all, I miss you, love, and those 9 days I got to spend with you because trust me, just knowing that I might be next to you is worth more than a million rings.

And I'm here to stay, no matter how tough it gets, how long it takes, how much I'd have to do, I'm not going anywhere, because I know you're worth it, the good, the bad and all the in between bits, because I know we're worth it.

So see this through with me, I pray and I hope you do because I've never given up on us, not for a second, no.

This heart still has it all bursting at the seams, just wait closely and you'll see.

33.

***************

I'll go get a ring, let the choir bells sing.

Heart's Crossed, Tongue's Tied;

2012-01-14T15:19:00.000-08:00

5 more weeks, 37 days, 2220 hours.

And I don't know how else to tell you how much I love you, how much I need you, and how much I'll miss you, 3 hours from now.

I need you to know that I may not write you romantic letters, I may not surprise you with gifts, but one thing's for sure, I'll be true to you, till the very very end because you're the only thing that mean more than the whole fucking universe to me.

And it's because I still want to hold your hand and tell how lucky I am to have you by my side, how proud I am to have met someone like you. And it's because I want to take this walk with you, through the good, the bad, and everything in between. And it's because you're the one that I want to fight my fears with, and yours as well. And it's because I want to be the boy who will paint a genuine smile on your face every time we gaze into each other's eyes. And it's because without you is worse than having 1000 daggers stabbing right through my heart. And it's because you're the only one who can tear my walls that I've been living around. And it's because you're the only one who can make me smile and say, I'm the luckiest boy on earth to have you. And it's because you make me weaken my knees every time I hear someone saying your name. And it's because I'll still wait for you, no matter what, no matter when, even if it takes me to pluck the stars for you, I would.

And it's because it still stings every time I hear his name coming out of your mouth and everytime I see you texting him. I won't lie, I'm jealous, and it hurts, because I want you more than ever, selfishly.

These are the words that comes from the heart, mind, and soul. And I hope that you'll know.

I've always loved you from the start, Minsscreamsjaarfcukin'vis/Lee Min Yen/Minsey Baby/ Minsey Massacre/Applekinsmunchkinshoneykinssugarpiehoneybunchkins/Baby Doll, I always have.

And I hope that you'll see this one day, because I'll continue to pray, just like how I do every night ever since 4 months ago.

****************

I somehow find, you and I collide.

Thinking, That's All;

2012-01-12T21:21:00.001-08:00

'Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that’s love, even if it doesn’t seem very exciting.'

And this is what I promise to give you, eternally. Even when the stars don't seem to shine anymore and you feel that you've lost all hope and you're alone, I'd always be right here for you to fall back on, just to push you back up again.

So open up, give yourself a chance to feel again, a chance with me, a chance with us and take this jump with me, because I swear, I'll promise to make you feel so much happier, more that you'd ever know. Because trust me, I'd do whatever it takes to turn this around, from the simplest of things to the most sophisticated ones, I would, just to feed on the slightest chance to be us again.

Trust, integrity, honour, honesty, love, glory. This is what I'll offer you. My genuine self, this is what I'll give to you with all my heart and soul, I promise.

*****************

These hearts they risk, from self-control.

Heartbeat;

2012-01-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

Crowded, stung, thought's running, heart's heavy, desire's burning, hands loathing, mind's thinking about you, about us and everything in between.

I'm tired of playing all these facades, all these faces. I know that I may not show that I miss you, I may not show that I love you, but trust me, every single glance I steal at you makes me wanna just lunge infront and hug you, every single forehead kiss I give you makes me want to give you one more, every time I'm next to you makes me want to hold your hand, every smile you paint makes me wish that it's a little second longer.

I know I may not have the sweetest ideas, I may not say the sweetest things but I'm trying, for you, for me, because I want you to know that without you, who's eyes are there to compare with the glowing sun. But one thing's for sure, I'll love you with all my heart, my whole heart, gracefully and forever.

I miss you, and I love you so fucking much, every minute of every day. I've never for a second given up faith in you, in us, in that one fine day where our fingers intertwine, that one fine day where I can look you in the eye and tell you those three words.

I want to hold you closer and I hope that you do too.

***************

ImissyouIloveyouIwantyouallinmyownselfishways.

You Might Have Noticed;

2012-01-10T23:02:00.000-08:00

Just watch me now, watch me make your wildest dreams come true.

I'm trying to fight for you, for us, trust me, I really am. I know I may not be that romantically inclined but one thing's for sure, I'll make you feel so very special, a kinda blissful feeling that I've been saving up to let you have a taste of it, I'll offer you a warm embrace.

Because at the end of the day, what counts is the heart. And every syllable of his name that enters my heart, every time I see you sleeping on the phone with him penetrates the very core of this heart, because I love you in my very own selfish way.

Every single day spent with you is a blessing and just seeing you laugh, worth so much more than winning a jackpot or striking a lottery ticket.

I promise you, this time, I'll try harder, I'm going to go to lengths that I've never done before for a girl, so you'd be the first because I want you so much that it hurts.

I've never lost faith in you, I've never lost faith in us.

You still have all of my heart.

*****************

Well then maybe,

you're going to be the one that saves me.

Flames Like Tinder;

2012-01-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

And tonight, I'll miss you even more, more than I thought I did, more than I know I will.

I hope you know, and I hope you'd always keep it close to your heart. And whenever you feel like you're the only one left in this world, listen to 'hands down', and always remember that no matter when, where, what, why, how, there'll always be this one boy who'll always miss you, and who will always want to be with you again. And then maybe, just maybe you'd know that you'll never have to face this world alone.

Cause there'll be no sunlight, if I lose you baby.

***************

Dead hearts are everywhere.

Jue Vu Teh Qwah;

2012-01-07T11:20:00.000-08:00

Because you looked flawless tonight, so much so that you made it seem like the word perfection was created after you.

Everything you wore, the colours, the makeup, the was you tied your hair, just complemented each other in the way I exactly hoped to see.

If you only you were in KL, if only you were mine to hold, I swear, I'd be the fucking luckiest fat boy around town.

My heart still dances to every pulse of your voice, to the chills of your breathe, and to every radiant light of your smile.

I'm equally as afraid as you are, I'm equally as vulnerable as you are.

****************

Here my thoughts in every note.

The Woodlands National Anthem;

2012-01-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

You said hello, shook my hand with my hair flipped down and that was all it took for me to scream I love you from the deepest darkest space in my heart.

Yes, I still remember every single moment of it. How the air was so crisp that night, the way you stood, the clothes you wore, the sound of your voice, the touch of your hands.

And I dont think I can ever forget this, because honestly, I never knew that, that was going to be the start of the happiest days of my life.

If you're still reading this, hold your heart up high, and I promise you that I'll be there with you through it all, through the good, the bad, and every little space in between.

I want you, I want us, and I'd do it all over again.

****************

When we bleed, we bleed the same.

Hold That Violent Kiss;

2012-01-05T09:16:00.000-08:00

Because every time 'The One That Got Away' comes on the stereo, I wish that somehow time would work it magic and suck us back into a week ago. Just simply because I wish you were right next to me in the passenger seat and I would send you little glances that would make this noble heart warm.

I should've told and showed you what you meant to me, how you were every part of me that I cannot afford to lose.

But now I pay the price.

So let me hold you, and hold you so much more closer than ever, just like we first did on that very night when we watched crime watch together.

I miss you Minsey Massacre, so much more than a thousand suns lit up together, and somewhere deep down inside, I hope that there's a part of you that feels the same.

People will change, and times are constantly rearranging, but you've always had me screaming I love you from the start, just remember that, always and I hope you'll see this too.

*****************

We'd keep all our promises,

be us against the world.

Blood For Wild Blood;

2012-01-04T12:04:00.000-08:00

Because he's still lost inside, just as lost as a boy would be for the girl he aches and longs for.

Ever since that night, I have this constant feeling that my heart is urging to rip itself off my chest, just to be an inch closer to yours.

I can't sleep without thinking about you, I can't help but to think about how you are when I first open my eyes in the morning, I can't help but wish that you are in the passenger seat whenever I drive, just so that I can look at you from time to time, I can't help but to wish that I could sing to you whenever Adele comes on the radio, I can't help but wish you were here whenever I'm in Asia Cafe, I can't help but wish to hold you hand every time you were walking infront of me.

And I'd die to steal time to rewind to that very moment again, just to see that genuine smile of yours because I still want to, and not ashamed off show the world that you're my queen.

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the afternoon, but I'd never ever do you wrong.

Just 6 and a half more weeks, so open up, and let me take you to neverneverland.

*****************

But this darkness has a hunger,
it offers blood for wild blood.

Smile Like You Mean It;

2012-01-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

Watching you sleep on skype tonight, just made me realized how much I' actually really miss you too.

Imissyousofuckingmuchit'dhurtswheneverIthinkaboutyou.

Your voice, your smell, your touch, it all still lingers around me, all the time.

But you know what they say, if it doesnt hurt, then it wouldn't be real.

I'm not leaving, I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here.

I love you to death, Lee Min Yen, and that's one thing from me that no one else would ever have.

**************

I love you, and I don't know if you do,

but I hope that you do too.

Us Vs Them;

2012-01-03T03:10:00.000-08:00

'I want somebody to sleep with the rest of my life, and someone to cuddle up with during a movie on the couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Talk about dreams, make dreams. Have fights, the kind that only really matter just as long as you're having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers once in a while, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think 'this might make my girl smile' as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he's got and that guy is none other than, Julian Loh Wen-Zhi.

I love you forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always,

YOUR MINSEY MASSACRE BABY GIRL.'

Because I was looking through our wall posts to each other and this caught my heart. I don't know if it'll catch yours, but it certainly did catch mine.

I miss the times we had, the plans we made, the things we had so very wanted to look forward too together.

I'd still do all of them with you, if you're up for it. I want to show the world that you're still my queen, and nothing is going to ever change that perception.

I've whispered I love you in many different ways, and I mean every single one of them.

Listen, just listen.

******************

Hope, dangles on a string,
like slow spinning redemption.

Lover;

2012-01-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

I just needed you to see that I would do wonders just to warm your heart up.

I just needed you to see that I would want to fight for you now, in every single way.

I just needed you to see that I still have faith in you, in us and I hope that you would still have that too.

I just needed you to see that you've moved mountains in my heart.

I just needed you to know that you're everything I've prayed for, every single night before I sleep since september.

I just needed you to see that I'd still hold you close to me, and I'd love you, no matter what, no matter when.

This is my promise, my oath, and my word to you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen.

Because I still look at this picture every night before I sleep, and smile to know that I lost my heart to someone like you.

And it's hurting more than ever tonight.

I've been waiting for that second chance, and I always will be, be it now, or a 1000 years, I'll wait.

************

Up in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep.

Like Crazy;

2012-01-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

And because, I've never felt this vulnerable ever before.

'I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we’refriends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t, I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.'

Because this quote hit me when I read it, they are the words that I never had the guts to sing to you, face to face.

I've never stopped caring for you through all these years, through all these memories, just simply because you have beautiful heart, and I'll be here for you through it all.

I love you more than ever before tonight.

For you, for me, for us, and for everything we'll ever conquer together, so come back, back to me, back to where the mountains meet the sea.

*************

You'll still be beautiful then,

bless your beautiful heart

4;

2011-12-30T12:12:00.000-08:00

Take a bite off my heart tonight.

Somehow, you've managed to break down all the walls and steal my heart effortlessly, once again.

Sometimes I wish that life has a pause button, because these 4 days has been the best days of my life for a very long time. The experience of this familiar surge of euphoria, adrenaline, and happiness whenever you're next to me, smiling, pouting with your hands on your cheeks just so I'd melt and give in, is something embedded and engraved in my heart and soul.

It's times like these, you'd learn to live again.

I miss you the colour of your eyes, I miss the way I'd have to secretly look at you while you're talking just to catch a glimpse of you without you realizing, I miss the way you'd smile and laugh after I'd give in to you no matter how much I tried to fight it. I miss the way you'd lie down on my lap and we'd just joke about anything and everything. I miss the version of myself whenever you're around.

If I had just one chance to make things right, I would have fought for you a little longer, for you, for us. I would have showed you how much you mean to me, and held on to my promise a little longer and not let you slip away so easily; and if that chance ever crossed my path again, this time, I swear I'd hold you closer to me than ever before, and never ever ever let you go.

I've always been waiting for you, I always had and I always will be. And when you're ready, you'd know I'd always be here, with both my arms wide open, always ready to catch you when you fall.

I just miss you like hell and honestly, I'd never knew it would have hit me so hard seeing you leaving today. I'd fucking give up anything in the world to just feel that bliss once again, the laughters, the breath of your hair, the stares, the hugs, and that complete package of joy and love with you, because you mean so fucking much to me, so much more that you've ever known.

And if you ever read this, I want you know this and always always remember this, because these are the unsaid words that I've been longing to sing to you, from the bottom of my heart and soul;

It was always you, whom will have the complete keys to my heart, and I could have sworn I knew it ever since our fingers intertwined for the very first time in Chadstone.

I have always loved you, and always will love you, and only you, Lee Min Yen, till the rivers all run dry.

Always and forever, forever and always.

Listen to the lyrics, just listen.

*******************

Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember.

See The Sun;

2011-12-27T10:48:00.000-08:00

Because I want to feel the slightest tinge of happiness again, with you.

It's been way too long, way way too long.

Hollow.

****************

Make take double your mouth,

scribble out the truth.

Tuesday, ____, Thursday;

2011-12-26T11:19:00.000-08:00

'Believe that dreams come true every day, because they do'.

And it's all coming back to me tonight, I swear I could almost feel it on my skin and see it in my mind.

I know it'll be bursting at the seams when it all happens, and honestly I'm afraid. Just simply because of the fact that I still miss you so much and you'd be right in front of me.

Stay with me tonight, take my whole life through.

Somehow deep down, this heart is bursting with words that are to be said, feelings that are to felt, and longings that are to be realized, and more so, it misses you with every muscle it uses to make a beat.

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.

I've never stopped loving you, not even for a second or a minute, and I hope you'll see it through.

Love conquers all.

*******************

My hands are shaking,
rather waste some time with you.

Kitty Litter;

2011-12-24T01:09:00.000-08:00

Because I want you know want thing, and I want you to always know this, only simply because it's true.

You're fucking beautiful no matter what you think, to me you are.

From the way you decide on what to wear, and how you put them together, making it look like you were born to wear them, to the way you tie your hair, because despite you saying that you're always worried that you wont look good, well let me tell you this;

It was because of this, well majorly, the way you dress and the way you carry yourself that made my knees weak when I first saw you.

And the thing is, most of the times, you dress up way beyond what I would expect to see in a girl, and you still wouldn't know.

So, stop doubting yourself, because I can see that you're beautiful not only on the inside, but on the outside as well, and it's something I know you've never had a problem keeping up with.

I just thought you needed to know.

****************

Think of me, in the depths of your despair.

Blue Heartache;

2011-12-22T10:30:00.000-08:00

Who would have knew that one smile, one look, and one night was all it took for a girl to steal a boys heart, and keep it with her.

Who would have knew that I'm that boy, and the very same boy who's still 2 steps behind you, to catch you when you fall.

And you're that girl who stole my heart, something that I don't allow to happen easily. But you did, effortlessly, you just did.

I love you, always have, always will.

'Skylar' and "Lucas', remember these names?

*************

Because to hold you,

is to write love on your arms.

Paper Knives;

2011-12-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

'At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes - all you need is one.'

And this mind constantly thinks of you, where you are, what are you doing, and how are you. You still run through my veins, from head to toe.

I still love you, the very same way when I first told you that night, that night where I promised that I'll be here through it all.

*************

Let love bleed red.

Kau Terindah;

2011-12-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

Facades darling, facades.

If you could only see this through, if only.

Fingers crossed, hearts knitted.

I still care, you know I'd always do, and no matter how much I try, you'd always be the only one who has the key to this heart.

***************

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut.

Big In Japan;

2011-12-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

Because there will always be that only girl, that will hold a boy's heart like no other in his life.

Well, for me it's waking up beside you, to watch the sunrise on your face, to know that I can say I love you, in any given time or place.

Listen to these words I lay because I'd keep all my promises, be us against the world.

And you know it'd always be you who can decipher my heart like no other.

**************

I'm here right now, I'm ready.

Sunrise, Sunset;

2011-12-15T12:25:00.000-08:00

It hurts, it fucking hurts.

And it's a version of pain I've never felt before.

*************

Stand on the steps with my heart in my hand.

I'll;

2011-12-14T11:29:00.001-08:00

Be your

*************

Forever muse.

Stay;

2011-12-13T21:37:00.000-08:00

And because I have this fear that you'd forget me.

Please dont, because we both know that I'm not that strong.

So please please come a little closer, just a little closer then maybe you can hear these screaming from my heart.

I'd be here for you through it all, step by step, heart to heart, I promise you this.

I miss you more than ever tonight. I miss you, I miss you.

**************

You say how long, forever.

Lasso;

2011-12-13T12:49:00.000-08:00

And it all just hit me tonight.

You face, your eyes, your voice, your hands, your smile, flows from the heart to the soul, and back again.

Every picture, every moment spent, every laughter you make, still rings in my head constantly every single day. The first thing I wake up, the last thing before I sleep.

I can still feel you in my bones.

*******************

In your eyes, I'd like to stay.

Unchained Melody;

2011-12-12T02:45:00.000-08:00

Its you, always has been you, and always will be you.

Because you still give me the jitters whenever we talk and I don't think anyone can sweep me off my feet as smoothly and as effortlessly as you do.

I know your kiss and you know mine.

***************

When there's no where else to run,
is there room for one more song.

Automatic Eyes;

2011-12-10T09:46:00.001-08:00

Hush hush, you colour my eyes red.

And I'll remember every single moment spend with you here in melbourne when I board that plane in a few hours.

I'll remember them because having you was the only best thing this year, and it's the only thing that I've never regretted.

Come back, back to me where the mountains meet the sea.

Just so you know, I still care, I'd still pluck the stars for you.

***************

They move forward and my heart died.

Houdini;

2011-12-07T23:10:00.001-08:00

I wish you were here to hear me out, hold my hand and tell me that everything's going to be okay like you used to because you always know how to steer me back in the right direction.

I'm so tired off all this judgmental bashing I've been getting for the past 2 weeks.

I need your presence, I need a hand to hold, I just need you.

I miss you so fucking much, I'm sorry.

Where are you now?

*******************

Dreamers dream of dreams,
that will always only be dreams.

White Dove;

2011-12-07T07:32:00.001-08:00

At the end of the day, all I really want for you is to be happy and live your dreams. But if I ever get to have the chance to be that happiness again, let me know, just do.

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.

It's you, and always will be you, don't ever doubt that for a second.

I'm sorry, I just miss you and your presence, like mad.

*************

A falling star fell from your heart,

and landed in my arms.

Love, Sex, Magic;

2011-12-06T04:12:00.001-08:00

It's still you, and all these wisps of me that you have.

And it still amazes me till this day, how with just one glance, you somehow managed to have the most wholesome grip of my heart. Every angle, every detail, every muscle you've grasped so tightly.

I'll never, and have never forgotten that day when everything seemed like it was falling into the right places. Just the whole process from the day we met, we introduced, to the day, we lied in each others arms while talking about how we fell for each other.

And I hope that somehow someway, you still remember it too.

This was that magical place where everything happened. This was the place that made me let my guard down, smiling to every word you said inside.

'Eh, I also have a tattoo, it's called love, sex, magic'.

I still miss you, I love you, and you still mean so much more to me than you can ever imagine.

***********************

There was yellow diamonds in the sky,

and we found love in a hopeless place.

New York City Cops;

2011-12-04T07:39:00.001-08:00

And who would have thought typing this would be so hard, nobody knew.

But nonetheless, Joyeux anniversaire, ma'am

I'm glad that you've been having a blast, because I know that you've been waiting for this day ever since the day I first saw you.

I wish that you'd be blessed with an abundance of happiness, love, health, and wisdom and I can only wish that next year will be your year.

Fuck this 10000 miles, because I would have tried to make you feel like a queen tonight.

18 years, 18 ways to see the world.
.

Happy 18th Birthday, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen :) <3.

******************

Last year's wishes, this year's apologies.

Dead Hearts;

2011-12-03T15:41:00.001-08:00

Just because I still miss you and still love you, and this heart still aches with every reminiscence and every hope built in it.

Always and will be here, always remember, always.

I hope that you've had a hell of a time this weekend, because you deserve it. You've been nothing but wonderful and plus you're only 17 once right?

Oh well, surprises surprises.

******************

They have lights inside their eyes.

Monster Hospital;

2011-12-02T13:22:00.001-08:00

Because I still wish that I'm next to you, where we'll lay our heads on the green green grass, with our hands intertwined, and gazing into the starry night when the clock strikes 12 on the 5th of december;

And that's when I'll look into your eyes and whisper those two words that will crown you queen of the day.

I still want to be your last, first kiss.

**************

Even heroes have the right to bleed.

Forever;

2011-12-01T13:51:00.001-08:00

My heart is yours, from that very first time i wrapped my arms around you.

******************

Sing us a song, and we'll sing it back to you.

California Queen;

2011-11-30T04:40:00.001-08:00

Hello there, the 17th time, it's been a while.

And the film 'Like Crazy' reminded me of everything, of you, of me, of the whole 'what-if's' and 'what would have been'.

And the best thing is, it shows that miracles do sometimes happen.

I fucking miss you.

*******************

asdfasdfasdfiloveyouasd1234ladfjdsfab.

Crave You;

2011-11-29T08:50:00.001-08:00

And with every crisp sounding breath that I take, your presence still lingers here.

I know I've said this a thousand times and thousands of minutes of passed since that day, but this heart is still in its silver cage.

I'm still in awe, in awe of you.

Always remember sweetheart, bitterheart, that mountains can never tear you apart.

******************

Do you remember the old times,

those were the only times, the only times.

Casey's Song;

2011-11-27T10:26:00.001-08:00

And because despite this long, every glance within these four walls still reminds me of you. The way your head would rest on my chest every night. the way we'd whisper 'I love you' with our eyes closed every morning, and the way you sit leaning on me while watching a movie.

Listen to the details of the song closely. The way its melody sound, the way the first verse is sung, the words thats are being used as its lyrics, because it's every single thing that I've been trying to scream out to you.

I'll always know that you're worth it.

Come closer, and listen to the words I lay.

*****************

Dark blue, dark blue,

have you ever been alone in a quiet room.

Babydoll;

2011-11-26T03:29:00.001-08:00

And I'm lonely, and I'm tired, and I'm missing you again.

Once again.

There is beauty in the breakdown.

***********

Be my little blue valentine.

Rootless Tree;

2011-11-24T08:57:00.001-08:00

I'm afraid of changing, cause I've built my life around you.

So sing along for me, baby.

****************

Let's cause a scene,

like lovers do on silver screens.

Keep;

2011-11-23T11:26:00.001-08:00

The

Faith.

I've just crossed the line, from fashion to crime.

But you'd still be beautiful then, with your beautiful heart.

I need you more than ever, tonight.

***************

Cause it feels likes stealing hearts,

calling your name from the crowd.

Little Subway Queen;

2011-11-21T10:39:00.001-08:00

And if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me.

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be.

Just come back to the place that we meet.

And you'll see me waiting for you, on the corner of the street.

Because I still remember that night where we sat on the bench, near flinders street station.

I'm not moving, I'm not going anywhere.

***************

Ell, ai, licky, cee, kay, licky why,

Ell, licky, ai, cee, licky, kay, why.

Ghostbird;

2011-11-19T12:07:00.001-08:00

And somehow, Ele leaving today remembered me of I felt when I send you off to the airport last semester. The emptiness, the hollowness.

The thought of having to go through a whole weekend alone is going to haunt me more than ever.

Depictions of your face, those memories we made, and your little laughter will all flow through my mind, as it already has been every single day since I last saw you. I really don't know how else to let you know how much I'm dying to feel that inch closer to you.

I miss you so fucking much and I hope you that you can feel it too, somewhere somehow. Not even the most sophisticated of words can describe this impending pulse that constantly beats with my heart.

Where were you when we were getting high?

I still love you, lee min yen and I would still give up the world just to rewind time and have you right here, right now.

Grab my last request, just let me hold you, just yet.

****************

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry.

Cigarette Smoking;

2011-11-18T00:33:00.001-08:00

My ears are always open for you, if you ever need to let anything out, you know that.

Because I still want to know whats going on in your life.

I miss you.

****************

And when you bleed,

you're dead, and dead indeed.

Fire Eye'd Boy;

2011-11-16T19:55:00.001-08:00

Come back to me, it's almost easy.

It still hurts.

And I'm saying this all through the top of my sweet sweet lungs.

****************

What must we do to restore, our innocence.

Earth To Bella;

2011-11-15T06:25:00.001-08:00

And sometimes I wonder, if I had asked you to be the one thing that matters the most to me officially, would you have fought for this a little longer.

If only you'd stayed to watch, if only.

I love you.

**********************

Light a fire, a flame to my heart.

Dancing In The Dark;

2011-11-14T18:39:00.001-08:00

'Can't promise that things wont be broken, but I swear that I will never leave.'

And everytime this comes on, its reminds me of all the nights I made that promise to you, to be right there for you no matter what, no matter when. I'm still keeping to that promise.

Your forever is all that I need.

And I need it now more than ever, so please please stay.

*******************

I want your leather studded kiss in the sand.

Summer Hair = Forever Young;

2011-11-14T07:18:00.001-08:00

This one's for all the lost souls, whom once believed in love.

Hang in there darling, because happy endings do come true.

I'm keeping my faith next to me, right here next to me, because I know that this is all worth it.

Close your eyes, let's escape this town for a little while.

***************

Bite my heart, and my liver turns to dust.

Innocent Bones;

2011-11-13T13:32:00.001-08:00

And it all struck me after watching 'The Last Song' just now. Every detail, every event, feels as if we've all had them before.

'Love is fragile. And we're not always the best caretakers. We just muddle through and do the best we can, and hope that this fragile thing survives against all odds'.

I'm still hoping, despite everything, I still am.

Always, no matter what, always.

***************

A penny for your thoughts, a quarter for your heart.

Glenbrook Ave;

2011-11-13T03:07:00.001-08:00

I miss you, Minsscreamsjaarfcukin'vis.

I don't think I've ever had this longing for someone this long before. You're the first, and you're definitely here to stay.

If only you'd knew the lengths I'd go to, just to make things right.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever do read these posts, because I hope you do.

*******************

So kiss me and smile for me.

Heart Song;

2011-11-11T17:23:00.000-08:00

Today's the first time, in a long time that they've overflowed.

Just so you know, I still have hope in this, very much so.

I'll be ready if you ever are ready again, I need you to see this.

Berselimut di tengah dingin dunia, berselimut dengan diyayang, dengan anda.

**********************

I better find your loving,
I better find your heart.

Valium Skies;

2011-11-10T12:43:00.001-08:00

Whatever you said tonight, every word and letter, pierced through these flowing vessels of the human heart.

Of stayovers and lovers, what stings more than this.

I'd only wish we had more time in melbourne together from the very start, because we could have so much more, more than we've could have imagined.

I love you, and I pray that there's still a part of you that may still do too.

*************************

Send my regards to soul and romance,
they've always did the best they could.

Save The World;

2011-11-10T03:26:00.000-08:00

You are the girl that I still love, that I always have loved, and I always will love. This is what you are to me.

There are many things that I would like to say to you, its just that I can't mouth it out aloud.

*****************

Who's going to save the world tonight?

How To Rape A Country;

2011-11-07T22:06:00.001-08:00

And my eyes constantly shift to my left, to the two seats that we used to once sit in the library last semester during exam prep.

Images and thoughts surrounds my mind, the way you dressed, the way we laughed, the way I slept halfway through while studying and you waking me up.

It all felt so surreal, the recurring nostalgia, I could feel it all under my skin.

I miss you; I've never stopped, and I hope you're doing fine.

**********************

And my love, she's still renowned.

100;

2011-11-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

And when I first met you, I'd never thought that I'd fall this deep and rock hard for you.

I guess I was wrong. I know I've said this a million times but I still love you with every breath, with every thought, with every memory of us that runs through my head.

I just want to feel you whole again, and for that, I need you here next to me, even if its just for a milli-second.

Help me, help you.

***********************

The stars lay down to kiss you, I lie awake and miss you.

Songbird;

2011-11-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

Cheer up darling, don't drown yourself in wandering thoughts.

Smile, and the world will smile back at you. It hurts to see that you being down.

Be strong, you're not alone, you never will be.

***********************

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want.

We Suck Young Blood;

2011-11-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

I still believe in all the things that we could be and I hope that deep down in you, theres a part that feels the same way too.

I miss your ginger hair, and the way you like to dress.

I'm sorry baby, you're the sun and moon to me.

Don't go.

***********************

Why don't you come on over, valerie?

November Rain;

2011-11-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

Just know all along that you're the one who still has a hold off my heart.

We were really happy back then, weren't we? I know I was, those were the days I'd fight with all my soul just to keep it running for one more second/get them back, every bit of it.

Preserve, maintain, love.

***************************

You're like a rocket on my mind, ready to define.

505;

2011-11-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

Because every time it happens, it still feels like its the first time.

The rawness; the vulnerability, it's all too familiar. It's funny how the more it happens, as painful as it may be, the more you want it in you because you know that all this just means one thing, that everything is worth it.

I just guess my heart has never longed for someone in such a way ever, and you're the first one.

And its all hitting on me tonight. I miss you, I miss you being here, lee min yen, more than you ever know, from the way we'd fall into each other's arms while smoking in the garage, to those little forehead kisses every night. I still remember all the promises we made.

I just hope you'd know.

Faith.

****************************

You're so much more than just a vision trip.

Bury Your Head;

2011-10-31T11:40:00.000-07:00

Here I go, scream my lungs out, trying to let you know,

You're the only one.

***********************

Arr-emm-ehhs.

Revelry;

2011-10-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

This time 7 months ago, you were right here, whispering words of comfort, telling me that everything's going to be alright, that I'll ace that paper in the morning.

7 months later, I'd give everything to go back then again.

I wish you were here.

**************************

With the fire in my bones, and the sweet taste of kerosine.

On Bended Knees;

2011-10-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for how I've talked to you, how I've acted towards you and you shouldnt have to feel this way in the first place.

I don't know what went wrong with my head, I just don't. I'm not like that, I swear I'm not.

I'm not going to do it anymore, no more anger, no more frustration, this is my oath.

And this time I mean it, because if I were to go behind my words again, I shouldn't be born man. A man doesn't treat a woman like that.

I'm sorry, I really am, from the bottom of my heart and soul, with my fingers layed and my knees on the ground.

I'm just afraid of losing you.

***********************

All my life, I pray for someone like you.

Cheers Darlin;

2011-10-28T13:05:00.001-07:00

Every single night of every single day.

It reminds me of everything, the good and the bad, and how much I wish you'd still be the first thing my eyes will see when they open.

I've never forgotten, I never will.

We all have choices, I guess I know what's mine.

**********************

You don't have to go, we could wait for the fireworks.

Eleanor Rigby;

2011-10-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

The longing, the holding, the missing, it still lingers in every bone.

I'm going to keep this simple tonight, no catch phrases, no lyrical references, just plain raw cocaine truth.

I love you and I miss you like hell,
No matter how far, how long, how hard.

Forever and fucking always, promise.

**************************

Sweep me back off my feet, the night when we first met.

Your Lullaby;

2011-10-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

I've never heard a laughter that vibrates down my veins every time I hear it, but yours.

Would it be okay, if I took your breath away?

You had me at hello, and I've never forgotten that moment.

****************************

You are red, violent red.

Bulletproof Cupid;

2011-10-24T10:45:00.001-07:00

You're are the only face, I'll ever know.

Heart. Eyes. Voice. Hands.

Gua masih percaya, takkan pudar, takkan hilang.

If you ever feel like the world's against you, always remember, that there'll always be that one boy who'll be holding you back up, no matter what.

************************

Let's go to the park,
I want to kiss you underneath the stars.

So Long, Sweet Summer;

2011-10-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

It just came all on me tonight, I miss you like hell.

You're not fucked up, you never are and never was. Don't think of yourself that way, because I know you're beautiful, inside and outside.

I miss you, and everything we had.

*************************

I'll bleed my heart out to show.

From The Stars;

2011-10-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

It'll be you, it'll always be you who'll have the key to this heart.

Save me.

*********************

Set the fire to the third bar.

Black Heart Inertia;

2011-10-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

You're the one I still keep closest.

I still want to take those roller coaster rides, giant drop, and tower of terror rides with you. because frankly, it's not about those rides; it's about going through my darkest fears, every moment of it with you.

Remember, we've still got a world to conquer.

I love you, I still do,

And it's coming from the deepest of depths in my heart, where only you, have touched it.

*****************************

You're the fury, at the back of my head.

Pipe Dreams;

2011-10-19T13:41:00.001-07:00

110 days, these were the best days of my life.

Because honestly, I'd give up anything to go through it again with you, the good and the bad. Because I can be vulnerable, because I can pour my heart out, and simply because you'll be here, right here.

The perfect ones never crossed my mind, because there was nothing in there,

but ... you.

Count the waves.

************************

Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill.

Micro Cuts;

2011-10-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

With our hands clasp so tight, I'll follow you into the dark.

Its these littlest things that'll take me there, because there's more to this. I know, and I hope that somewhere somehow, you'll know this too.

I just wish that you were here, I fucking do.

Forever and always, always and forever.

*******************

Publish Post

I want a bulletproof heart.

16;

2011-10-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

Faith.

Hope.

And every single thing that haunts me of you.

My arms will be open, it always will be. Keep this in mind, always know this.

************************

You said hello, inside I'm screaming I love you.

Lucas And Hayley;

2011-10-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

Someone once told that this is a better place, everything's better, everything's safe.

Truth be told, I found this all in just one place,

You.

Someday, just someday.

***********************

With you right here, I'm a rocketeer.

Three Cheers;

2011-10-15T00:19:00.000-07:00

There so many times that I have to say, I could have better, stronger for you and me.

You still have all of my h _ _ _ t.

*********************

Imissyou.

Postcards And Polaroids;

2011-10-12T15:50:00.000-07:00

There's so many things left to say, about that end of summer that I'll never forget.

Every year that goes by, a year we'll grow older we aew, but I know that we'd be beautiful again someday.

You still have all of my heart, every inch, every muscle, every beat to it.

I love you.

************************

These hands are shaking cold, your hands are mine to hold.

Radio Girl;

2011-10-11T03:18:00.000-07:00

Today's the 13th time that I'm dreaming of you whenever I sleep.

Yes, I keep track, almost everyone single one of them, because that's the only place where I get to see you and in that world, everything's just the way I imagined it to be.

I'm sorry, I never knew that I would have fallen this rock deep for you.

I've not given up, I'm still waiting for the bend.

*********************

I miss the lips that made me fly.

Hear You Me;

2011-10-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

Where are you now? I'm writing you a symphony of sound

Because tonight, I'm missing you like hell.

Your eyes, your face, your smile, your giggles, your hands, your heart.

I'll always be here to catch you when you fall, and to hold you when you rise, and I always always will.

*************************

A thousand nights, a thousand suns.

Beauty In The Breakdown;

2011-10-07T13:16:00.000-07:00

'I remember the first day I saw you. I remember the first day we spoke. I remember the night you held me close in your arms as we danced. But it was the times you just looked at me. Then I knew you would always be in my heart and nothing could ever change that, even if I’m not in yours.' (Eletheowl.tumblr.com)

Truth be told, it still feels very surreal whenever I lie on my bed while watching videos. I'd gaze in to the empty space, wishing that you'd come through my door.

I'd do anything to go back to that night and press the pause button, just so that, that very second will feel like forever, even if it means getting hurt all over again because at least I know, there'll be that one phase where we'll feel like we own the world.

I love you lee min yen, till the rivers run dry.

***********************

Your arms like towers, tower over me.

Paper Dreams, Honey;

2011-10-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

And someday, maybe just someday, I'll still be here waiting to hold you close.

I want to feel normal again.

This heart aches with every single beat it makes, because we could have been so much better.

***************************

They say that love is forever, your forever is all that I need.