21;

Because tonight I've really fallen and I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

And I don't know why it hurts so badly tonight, and I can swear that this is something I've never ever felt before throughout the past 6 months. I guess it's this idea of what could have happened that stings, because its this whole reality that differs from this holistic imagination kills, simply because when you came into my life, you took a part of me with you, the part where it all matters the most, the heart.

I miss your voice, I miss watching you sleep so ever gracefully, I miss laughing whenever you catch me lying about something just to protect my alpha-maleness, I miss your presence, I miss just being around you, I miss sitting down and watching you cook, I miss your morning face, I miss your morning breath, I miss giving you forehead kisses, I miss carrying you to the shower, I miss carrying you and spinning you and the rhythm of your laughter, I miss telling you how beautiful and radiant you are, I miss your insecurities about your outfits, I miss you asking me to call you when you're in the cab, but most of all, I miss that feeling of completeness, in which only you can give to me.

And I guess this is why it hurts, because this longing, this desire to be with that special someone of such high magnitude is something I've never ever experienced before and you're the first, and to see where we are now compared to two weeks ago, where everything seemed to fall just in the right places, mortifies this heart even more.

But despite that, I've not going anywhere and I'm here to stay to show you mean to me. I've never stopped loving you, Lee Min Yen, not for a single milli second and I'll love you in silence, because in silence, there is no fear of rejection, and I'll also love you in loneliness, because in loneliness, no one owns you, but me.

Patience, faith, and with all the blessings from the angels, I hope that you'd somehow still read these posts, because these are the words that I mean with all my heart and soul but never had the courage to say to you.

**************

But I miss you like hell,
I still hear you in old piano.

Knife Party;

Becuase this song reminds me of you in everyway, and it's hauntingly beautiful.

It's you, it was always you, and will always be you.

***********

And it's times like these,

you'd learn to live again.

In Paris;

And its' because ever since you've came up to KL, I wish that you're right here next to me whenever I'm in bangsar, just because I miss the look on your face when you had your first banana leaf rice. And everytime I pass by Pelita, I'd wish we'd go back to the night where we'd be sitting opposite each other, watching you have your maggi goreng. And whenever 'The One That Got Away' comes on the radio whenever I drive, I'd wish that you'd be sitting at the passanger seat just so I'd be able to steal little glances at you that would make my heart flutter.

I know that nobody's perfect in this world, but with you, well for me, you're as close as perfection can be. And it's because you have a heart so big that knows no bounds, and I've never seen someone who's willing to go all out and help their loved ones as sincerely, as you.

And because with you, life's definitely more exciting, just simply because of the way you make me be whenever I'm around you. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you'd lie on my lap whenever I'm driving, gives me a reason to believe in love again, and trust me, I'd want to go back to that little bubble where everything was where it was supposed to be.

 And I'd wait, I'd do whatever it takes, at all lengths, just to have a chance at stealing your heart again, because all these years, I could have sworn that I've never been so certain of what I want in my life, until you crossed my path and that was when I knew that you are that worthwhile. So I'd wait patiently, and when you're ready, I'll be waiting for you at the corner where we used to meet and my arms will be open, together with my lips armored with those three words that I've been longing to look into your eyes and say it to you with the fullest passion and love.

I'd always be right here beside you, through the times whenever you feel that you're lost as well as your happiest moments, because nothing gives me that kinda satisfaction and joy to see you smile as wide as a lark and enjoy your day to the fullest.

I miss you, I love you, and everything in between those two spectrum, just simply because you'll have charm in you that you're born with that will always have a spell on me no matter how hard I try to fight it, little darling.

Now isin't this a song already?




******************

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.

Everything;

There are 6 billion souls out there, each and everyone with their perception of their very own ideal version of paradise spent with their significant other in their heads, often replaying and patiently waiting for the right one to cross their path.

Well for me, it's waking up beside you, just to watch the sunrise on your face, bolstering my arms around your waist and yours on mine, with your head leaned towards my left shoulder, and to tell you that I love you, at any given time or at at given place. And this, I'd only want to do it with you.

And tonight, I miss you like hell. The sudden rush of raw thoughts, fear, and the longing to be next to you hit me right at where it intended to. And I need you to hold my hand, look me in the eye and tell me that everything's going to be okay.

I've never wanted to be with anyone this badly and you're definitely the first, Lee Min Yen, and this is why I love you till death, with the hope that you'd just give us one more chance.

Where are you now, because it's times like these where I think of you and I wonder if you think of me.

***************

And it's the joy you bring,

when you've got that special thing.

They Do, They Don't;

And because everything that we have now, is everything that I've been dreaming off for the past 4 months, and I'm loving every single moment of it,

Those glances we throw at each other, those little smiles I'd throw at you whenever you make faces, your constant insecurities about the way you dress when actually, you dress even better than them hollywood blondies, the way we'd sneakily call each other fancy names and pretend not to hear each other, all these, they all feel so surreal.

And its times like these, moments like these that I wish us humans are all granted one chance, just to freeze time, or even replay it on a constant loop of one moment in our entire life, just so that we'd could all be in that time spectrum with the one's we love. And for me, without a doubt, it'd be you, Lee Min Yen, and that night in Glenbrook where I first laid my arms around you and the way you fit right perfectly in it.

And tonight, my hands are shaking because I'd rather waste spend time with you than having all the riches in the world.

Look up, and gaze into the sky tonight darling, and just stare for as long as you can. Just like how there'll never be a limit to how high the sky can be, it's the same with the amount of love I harbor for you each and everyday in this mortal heart of mine, limitless.

I love you, munchkinsapplekinsstrawberrykinssugarpiekins, and the reason will always be you.

***************

I am June, and you're my Johnny Cash.

You, And Only You;

Because just looking at you through skype, makes it feel like I'm right next to you, and it makes it all worthwhile.

Your presence, your voice, the feel of your hands on mine still lingers through every pore of my skin, and I can almost hear each and everyone of them sending codes to the heart, all with a common message, which is hold you in my arms again just to get a taste of what is it like to be complete.

And I'd write to you everyday until the day where I'll have the chance to lock my eyes onto yours and be lost in it. I'd write to you everyday because that's what my heart screams to my mind everyday, and each day, those screams get louder and firmer, solidifying its wishes to have you by my side once again, to love you, to care for you, to be the boy that you'd ever dream off, and most of all, to cherish you while whispering to your ears, you're the love of my life.

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, all over again, and I'm going to hold you close, and never let you go, not now, not in a million years, not ever, you have my word.

So open your heart darling, listen to the voices screaming we're meant for something bigger than this.

****************

Heart beats fast, colours and promises.

Where Did My Baby Go;

27, just 27 more days and we'll be on the other side where the sun shines brighter, the grass is greener and the air is fresher, all because you'll be there.

And with this said, I'll make an oath to you, an oath where you'd be the first person to ever receive it, an oath that is evolved from the deepest areas of my heart, an oath that represents the will of my heart, an oath that's here to last.

I'll always fight for you and I always have been fighting for you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen, because I know you're worth every single effort of you. It's all because I know being able to be with you, even if its just for a day would mean so much more than Louis Armstrong placing his foot on the moon. And because I know being with you fills my heart up with the brightest tinge of happiness a boy like me can ever ask for. And because I know being with you and having the chance to take care of you would be the greatest honor that my life has ever been blessed with, and I'd promise to take care of you with all my heart and soul. And because I know being you is all I've ever wanted, all I ever hoped for, and all I can ever ask for.

So give me some time, little darling. I am fighting for you, in my very own ways, I am. I know I might not be buying you roses and writing you love letters, but deep down inside, I'm summoning every inch of love I have for you to show you how much you mean to me. 

So hold my hand a little longer, and don't write me, don't write us off just yet. I'm simply just waiting for the right time, for the time where you and I would be inches away from each other because that's when I'll let the colours in my heart burst. Because trust me, I'll pluck the stars and string them together into a necklace for you, I'd fly to the moon just to carve our names on the dusty floors, and I'd move mountains for you, and only you.

Have faith in me, in you, in us and we'll take this world by storm.

I love you, and I'd spell out to them every day for you just so you'd know I'm here to stay.

*******************

Now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger,

hold me up just a little bit longer.