Worlds Apart;

This is the most fucked up night ever.

Strangers.

****************

So goodnight you,

goodnight moon.

Fader;

This vulnerability, this pain, this desire for things to rewind to how it used to be, this craving, this deepest of deepest of affection, it will all consume you, slowly, like cancer spreading out through your body.

I would know, because the amount of love I have for you in unmeasurable, but at the same time it's reaping me into parts.

And the worst part is, I can't control it, I can't fight it, I can't stop it.

 I don't know how else to let you know, or how else to show you how much I want things to be normal again.

I love you, I always had, I always will.

*****************

Dream a little dream of me.

I Can't Make You Love Me;

Because I fear this vulnerability, this shattering essence that makes it all so easy for you to just enter right back into my life, with just with one hug, one kiss, one touch.

Because I fear of being put in the state of disappointment again, but at the same time, the fear of losing you once and for all overwhelms every minute fear that's left out there. Because I know, that the pain of not having you right next to me kills tenfolds.

I pray that tonight you'd fully open yourself to me, to fully open yourself to the feelings inside you, to fully open yourself to the possibilities of us being stronger than ever.

I need you to see this, I hope you'd see this.

Let's just hold each other close for one more time, for one last time because we'll make it through, I swear we would. Hand in hand, heart to heart.

I need you to trust me, to trust your heart, and to trust in us because I know that deep down in you, there's a fire ready to burn it's flames out, because I still choose to believe in this thread of hope left in us. This is how much faith I still have in you, in this.

I love you.

***************

Because she'll never have,

what we had.

The Art Of Getting By;

We could have tried. We could have been better. We could have been more than just a pair of broken hearts.

Because this is the only sanctum where I feel that my desires are heard, where there's no room for disappointment, for despair, for let downs, but only filled with hope. I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise up late and I still feel as if I have hardly slept, with my mind circling with thoughts of you even in the realm of unconsciousness, with every growing hope of holding you by the minute.

I miss you, and every inch of your fiber being. Every memory, every little joy you've brought in my life still plays on repeat, like an antique gramophone, projecting every thread of recollection left as clear as possible, lingering through every vein in my body.

Sing me songs, hold me close, whisper into my ears, fill me with tales of your days, let me know how annoying I am, let you know how well you can dress, let you climb on to me whenever you see me, let me kiss your forehead when we hug, let me stare into your eyes, let me tell you lullabies, let you teas me fat, let you force me to carry you and do carry-ups wherever you're at, let me tell you about your friends, let me hug you and touch your hand, let you call me whenever you miss me, let you call me whenever you need me. These are the things that I love the most, that I miss the most, that I'd wish we'd honestly fall back into, because these are just some of the joys you've delivered through your existence, and these little joys are strong enough to remain scarred in my heart, forever and always.

I'm sorry for everything. For the state we are in now, for the regrets that has made us this way, for whatever that has happened that I wished would not have happened. For the things that were not said when it was supposed to, for the things that were not done when it could have. For the bad times that have led to our downfall, for the good times that we've taken granted on. For everything that has made us fear each other. For the times I wished and hoped with every inch of my being that things will turn around hopefully. For the times I miss you, and for the times that I hope that even now, with things so ugly, that this would all change to be better. Because I miss you, and I swear, I'd kill the world just to hug you now, because I still love you with every glimmer of hope left in me.

But the thing is, do you see the light in my heart?

I've never stopped loving you, and I don't think I ever will, not now, not in the near future, not ever just because you're still the one who can make my knees tremble and tear down every single inch of armor I've learned to build against you, with the sound of your voice, the scent of your hair, the touch of your hand, the sight of your presence.

So open up your heart, let yourself feel, don't close it up on me, not on us, not just yet because we can be stronger, like we have been and you know that. Take my hand and take this leap of faith with me. Trust yourself, trust me, trust in us for just one last time.

Because darling, love doesn't end just because we don't see each other because in my eyes, you'll always be nothing less than marvelous.

If you're still reading this, I love you forever; whatever happens. Until I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I'll drift about forever, all my atoms, until I find you again, and I hope that deep down somewhere you'd still feel the same thing too. I pray that you won't shut us out just yet, not just yet honeybee.

Have a shot at writing this fairytale one more time, just one more time.





***********************

Hands down,

this is the best day I can ever remember