21;

Because tonight I've really fallen and I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

And I don't know why it hurts so badly tonight, and I can swear that this is something I've never ever felt before throughout the past 6 months. I guess it's this idea of what could have happened that stings, because its this whole reality that differs from this holistic imagination kills, simply because when you came into my life, you took a part of me with you, the part where it all matters the most, the heart.

I miss your voice, I miss watching you sleep so ever gracefully, I miss laughing whenever you catch me lying about something just to protect my alpha-maleness, I miss your presence, I miss just being around you, I miss sitting down and watching you cook, I miss your morning face, I miss your morning breath, I miss giving you forehead kisses, I miss carrying you to the shower, I miss carrying you and spinning you and the rhythm of your laughter, I miss telling you how beautiful and radiant you are, I miss your insecurities about your outfits, I miss you asking me to call you when you're in the cab, but most of all, I miss that feeling of completeness, in which only you can give to me.

And I guess this is why it hurts, because this longing, this desire to be with that special someone of such high magnitude is something I've never ever experienced before and you're the first, and to see where we are now compared to two weeks ago, where everything seemed to fall just in the right places, mortifies this heart even more.

But despite that, I've not going anywhere and I'm here to stay to show you mean to me. I've never stopped loving you, Lee Min Yen, not for a single milli second and I'll love you in silence, because in silence, there is no fear of rejection, and I'll also love you in loneliness, because in loneliness, no one owns you, but me.

Patience, faith, and with all the blessings from the angels, I hope that you'd somehow still read these posts, because these are the words that I mean with all my heart and soul but never had the courage to say to you.

**************

But I miss you like hell,
I still hear you in old piano.

Knife Party;

Becuase this song reminds me of you in everyway, and it's hauntingly beautiful.

It's you, it was always you, and will always be you.

***********

And it's times like these,

you'd learn to live again.

In Paris;

And its' because ever since you've came up to KL, I wish that you're right here next to me whenever I'm in bangsar, just because I miss the look on your face when you had your first banana leaf rice. And everytime I pass by Pelita, I'd wish we'd go back to the night where we'd be sitting opposite each other, watching you have your maggi goreng. And whenever 'The One That Got Away' comes on the radio whenever I drive, I'd wish that you'd be sitting at the passanger seat just so I'd be able to steal little glances at you that would make my heart flutter.

I know that nobody's perfect in this world, but with you, well for me, you're as close as perfection can be. And it's because you have a heart so big that knows no bounds, and I've never seen someone who's willing to go all out and help their loved ones as sincerely, as you.

And because with you, life's definitely more exciting, just simply because of the way you make me be whenever I'm around you. The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you'd lie on my lap whenever I'm driving, gives me a reason to believe in love again, and trust me, I'd want to go back to that little bubble where everything was where it was supposed to be.

 And I'd wait, I'd do whatever it takes, at all lengths, just to have a chance at stealing your heart again, because all these years, I could have sworn that I've never been so certain of what I want in my life, until you crossed my path and that was when I knew that you are that worthwhile. So I'd wait patiently, and when you're ready, I'll be waiting for you at the corner where we used to meet and my arms will be open, together with my lips armored with those three words that I've been longing to look into your eyes and say it to you with the fullest passion and love.

I'd always be right here beside you, through the times whenever you feel that you're lost as well as your happiest moments, because nothing gives me that kinda satisfaction and joy to see you smile as wide as a lark and enjoy your day to the fullest.

I miss you, I love you, and everything in between those two spectrum, just simply because you'll have charm in you that you're born with that will always have a spell on me no matter how hard I try to fight it, little darling.

Now isin't this a song already?




******************

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.

Everything;

There are 6 billion souls out there, each and everyone with their perception of their very own ideal version of paradise spent with their significant other in their heads, often replaying and patiently waiting for the right one to cross their path.

Well for me, it's waking up beside you, just to watch the sunrise on your face, bolstering my arms around your waist and yours on mine, with your head leaned towards my left shoulder, and to tell you that I love you, at any given time or at at given place. And this, I'd only want to do it with you.

And tonight, I miss you like hell. The sudden rush of raw thoughts, fear, and the longing to be next to you hit me right at where it intended to. And I need you to hold my hand, look me in the eye and tell me that everything's going to be okay.

I've never wanted to be with anyone this badly and you're definitely the first, Lee Min Yen, and this is why I love you till death, with the hope that you'd just give us one more chance.

Where are you now, because it's times like these where I think of you and I wonder if you think of me.

***************

And it's the joy you bring,

when you've got that special thing.

They Do, They Don't;

And because everything that we have now, is everything that I've been dreaming off for the past 4 months, and I'm loving every single moment of it,

Those glances we throw at each other, those little smiles I'd throw at you whenever you make faces, your constant insecurities about the way you dress when actually, you dress even better than them hollywood blondies, the way we'd sneakily call each other fancy names and pretend not to hear each other, all these, they all feel so surreal.

And its times like these, moments like these that I wish us humans are all granted one chance, just to freeze time, or even replay it on a constant loop of one moment in our entire life, just so that we'd could all be in that time spectrum with the one's we love. And for me, without a doubt, it'd be you, Lee Min Yen, and that night in Glenbrook where I first laid my arms around you and the way you fit right perfectly in it.

And tonight, my hands are shaking because I'd rather waste spend time with you than having all the riches in the world.

Look up, and gaze into the sky tonight darling, and just stare for as long as you can. Just like how there'll never be a limit to how high the sky can be, it's the same with the amount of love I harbor for you each and everyday in this mortal heart of mine, limitless.

I love you, munchkinsapplekinsstrawberrykinssugarpiekins, and the reason will always be you.

***************

I am June, and you're my Johnny Cash.

You, And Only You;

Because just looking at you through skype, makes it feel like I'm right next to you, and it makes it all worthwhile.

Your presence, your voice, the feel of your hands on mine still lingers through every pore of my skin, and I can almost hear each and everyone of them sending codes to the heart, all with a common message, which is hold you in my arms again just to get a taste of what is it like to be complete.

And I'd write to you everyday until the day where I'll have the chance to lock my eyes onto yours and be lost in it. I'd write to you everyday because that's what my heart screams to my mind everyday, and each day, those screams get louder and firmer, solidifying its wishes to have you by my side once again, to love you, to care for you, to be the boy that you'd ever dream off, and most of all, to cherish you while whispering to your ears, you're the love of my life.

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, all over again, and I'm going to hold you close, and never let you go, not now, not in a million years, not ever, you have my word.

So open your heart darling, listen to the voices screaming we're meant for something bigger than this.

****************

Heart beats fast, colours and promises.

Where Did My Baby Go;

27, just 27 more days and we'll be on the other side where the sun shines brighter, the grass is greener and the air is fresher, all because you'll be there.

And with this said, I'll make an oath to you, an oath where you'd be the first person to ever receive it, an oath that is evolved from the deepest areas of my heart, an oath that represents the will of my heart, an oath that's here to last.

I'll always fight for you and I always have been fighting for you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen, because I know you're worth every single effort of you. It's all because I know being able to be with you, even if its just for a day would mean so much more than Louis Armstrong placing his foot on the moon. And because I know being with you fills my heart up with the brightest tinge of happiness a boy like me can ever ask for. And because I know being with you and having the chance to take care of you would be the greatest honor that my life has ever been blessed with, and I'd promise to take care of you with all my heart and soul. And because I know being you is all I've ever wanted, all I ever hoped for, and all I can ever ask for.

So give me some time, little darling. I am fighting for you, in my very own ways, I am. I know I might not be buying you roses and writing you love letters, but deep down inside, I'm summoning every inch of love I have for you to show you how much you mean to me. 

So hold my hand a little longer, and don't write me, don't write us off just yet. I'm simply just waiting for the right time, for the time where you and I would be inches away from each other because that's when I'll let the colours in my heart burst. Because trust me, I'll pluck the stars and string them together into a necklace for you, I'd fly to the moon just to carve our names on the dusty floors, and I'd move mountains for you, and only you.

Have faith in me, in you, in us and we'll take this world by storm.

I love you, and I'd spell out to them every day for you just so you'd know I'm here to stay.

*******************

Now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger,

hold me up just a little bit longer.

I Set Fire To The Rain;

It's nights like these that thoughts come creeping in my mind like poison seeping through the very veins in your body, and it's the desired outcomes that you picture in your mind that makes it all the more addictive.

And it's every time that I listen to your voice notes, everyone of them that you've ever sent to me before I sleep that makes me realize how much I wouldn't be complete without you. Every word you say, every intonation of your voice, they are music to my ears. And it's because every time I listen to them, I'd fall back to that place which where I keep closest to my heart. A place so warm, a place where I know that I wouldn't be alone, a place where I know I have a reason to love, and place with you.

I miss you, and everything about you. I don't know the in between bits, the gory bits of me, and the gory bits of you, but I know one thing's for sure, that no matter what it takes, I'd always be here to go through them with you.

Love isin't discriminating, well at least, not in my eyes. And it's because its every part of you, every trait, every characteristic of you, the good, the ugly that makes you, you that draws me closer to you. It's because you're honest to yourself, and it's because you're fearless to show the world who you really are that makes me say 'This is the girl of my dreams, this is the girl that I wanna be with for a 1000 years'.

So open up your heart, and let me treat you like how a boy treats a girl, with honour, faith, love, and respect. Take my hand, and let me take you to the other side where the grass is greener.

I love you, with every single heartbeat, and I've never doubted that ever since I queued behind you in Bass Lounge, and ever since then, I've never looked back.

I just thought you should know, because you're the one I still hold dearest to my heart.

**************

You're the beautiful mess that I wanna get lost in with.

Love Is A Four Letter Word;

And it all hit me when I was in bangsar yesterday. I walked on the same path we walked, sat at the very same steps I did while staring at you, just to hopefully feel how I felt when you were around.

Honestly, every detail of those 4 days, from the time I saw you walking out the arrival hall, to how we started talking and laughing with each other in the car when we're both alone, to how you lay on my laps when I'm driving and the way I'd try to tell you how much I love you through the movement of my fingers while brushing hair, to how happy you are when you had your first plate of maggi goreng, they play in my mind on a constant loop mode. It's the first thing I'd think off when I'm up and it's the last thing I'd think off before I go to bed.

Yes, every single moment spent with you, be it from the first day I met you, up till now, is saved like an archive in my mind, a very much clear, non-distorted version.

But you know what they all have in common? It's the fact that no matter how many time I think of it, I'd always smile and grin to myself to every captured memory we've created throughout those 4 days  because it was those 4 days that I felt invincible with you, that I felt we were somewhat one again, and trust me, I've never wanted that premonition to fade, and it was that very moment that I wished life had a big 'PAUSE' button in which we humans are entitled to use only once, because I know that if I could, those 4 days would have definitely made it into my list.

You're the only thing appears on and off my mind, like a flickering switch, and truth be told, this mind chooses to have your image imprinted in my head, for almost 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week. I hope you'd know how much you mean to me because I know to me, you shine brighter than all the billions and billions of stars summoned up in the sky, you mean more than all the prettiest things that has ever surfaced in this world. And it's someone like you whom puts an end to one's quest to finding the perfect thing in life, because you are the very sole definition of love, joy, laughter, serenity, and warmth. Well, at least to me you are.

I love you, my bonnie to my clyde, my apple to my eye, my key to my heart, and you're that beautiful mess that I wanna get lost in with forever. I'm here to stay, for as long as I'm able to walk with my two feet, and as much as it kills me to see him with you in pictures, and the things he writes to you, I'd wait, because I've never been anymore certain as to what I really treasure in life than now.

Believe in miracles everyday, because they do come true.

It was always you, it has always been you, just remember that.

*************

Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way.

Colours And Promises;

I'll do whatever it takes, to turn this around.

And it's because it's all hitting me tonight, slowly but surely, hardly, and in such wholeness. I just need to let you know this, although I know I say it all the time.

I really really fucking love you, Lee Min Yen. And no matter what I'd have to go through just to lay your fingers in between mine, your head on my chest while listening to my heartbeat, to gaze into the eyes of the one I hold dearest to my heart, to brush your hair, every strand of it just to feel your forehead with my lips, and to have the chance to be the one who'll whisper those three words into your ears every night before you sleep and first thing when you wake up, I would go through it, without a doubt, I would.

And it's because when people ask me 'What are you doing, Julian', I'd always smile to myself and tell them 'Waiting for her, the one whom I've no regrets letting in to my life'.

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."

I fucking love you, do you know that?

*************

I've died everyday, waiting for you.

Make A Plan To Love Me;

Just because I feel like letting you know 10 reasons why you're the one who still has a grip on my heart, like no other ;

1. Because you're the only one who makes me smile to myself like an idiot, no matter where I am, whenever you cross my mind, whenever I see something that reminds you of me, whenever I was a video of someone doing something that we used to do.

2. Because you know the right things to say to make my heart flutter, to make me feel like I'm on thin air.

3. Because just being next to you, or even just seeing you over skype, or whenever you call, still makes my heart race like as if I'm talking to you for the very first time in my life.

4. Because you're the only one who's managed to tear all the walls I've built to guard my heart, effortlessly, and you're the one that I'll wait patiently for a hint of a spark.

5. Because you're the only one that I would want to give up the world for, without even questioning myself, just to see you smile and know that you'll be safe for another day, and you're the one that I'm not ashamed to tell the whole world, how much I love you everyday.

6. Because you're the one I want to wake up to, and you're the only thing I want to end my day with.

7. Because you just have this thing in you that makes Julian Loh Wen-Zhi, be Julian Loh Wen-Zhi.

8. Because you're the only one that I wanna conquer my fears with, and yours with me.

9. Because you've taught me how to love again, because you've given me the taste of love way much more graceful and real, than a boy can ever ask for.

10. Because you make it all so real for me, you make it all worth while, because you're the one that no matter what happens, I would want to fight for and be there for you, just to hold you when you walk and catch you when you fall, and with you by my side, nothing else matters.

I love you, with all my heart and soul and these are just some of the reasons why you'd always have a spell on me. 

I want to hold you so much closer tonight, so open up, let your heart run free because I know mine will always be there to catch yours back whenever you feel lost.

***********

Always and forever, forever and always.

Ears, Jawlines, Collarbones;

I'm sorry for not being able to see why you left your skype on through the night, and I fucking regret for not being able to read between the lines.

But that's all going to change now darling. No more heartburns, no more tears, no more doubts, no more sorrow from now onwards, and I'm going to make that happen for you. Ever since you walked out from the immigration gate 2 weeks ago in KL, the sight of you just somehow managed to shatter the very fortitude of walls that I've learned to build throughout the past 4 months. But you, you just have this charm, this spell that you weave so magically that you'll make my knees weak, you'll make my head spin, my heart race, my hands tremble and you'll send shivers down my spine, whenever you're next to me.

So cheer up little babybird, because it's all going to change now. I'm going to tell the world why I love you, I'm going to fight for you, be it now or in Melbourne, I'm not letting you slip from me ever again, and I'm going to fucking do whatever it takes just to feel your hands against mine, and your lips on mine, and our hearts melt together as one, I promise you this.

I'm proud of having you in my life, Lee Min Yen. And this time, the whole world is going to see that, I swear, because without you, who's eyes to compare to the glowing sun?

Because I've loved you, I've always loved you all along, far away for far too long.

So hold on to that faith, the very same one that I'm holding on to. Keep that in you, for me, for you, for us, now and forever.

**************

Come on try a little,
theres gotta be something better than, in the middle.

Diet For The Heart;

And just because I still listen to all the voice notes that you've sent me, every single one of them every night, because they remind me how you've changed my life, how you've taught me how to love again.
 

For these past 2 nights, you've been appearing for the 17th and 18th time, both in the same place, the same time, the same feeling, the same chills, and the same kind of love you give me. The detail of it, the serendipity, the wholeness of it, it's embedded in my mind, and it feels like you're right here next to me, it's feels like as if my wishes came true.

I miss waking up to you, I miss kissing your forehead, I miss you pulling my hand just to hug you from the back and cuddle in bed, even if its just for a little while, I miss your wake up face, I miss you dressing up, I miss you asking me to rate your outfit, I miss you telling me what kinda make up you're putting on today. I miss you like hell, I fucking miss you and it's like time has this mind of it's own to move slower when you're not around and I hate that.

But most of all, I miss you, love, and those 9 days I got to spend with you because trust me, just knowing that I might be next to you is worth more than a million rings.

And I'm here to stay, no matter how tough it gets, how long it takes, how much I'd have to do, I'm not going anywhere, because I know you're worth it, the good, the bad and all the in between bits, because I know we're worth it.

So see this through with me, I pray and I hope you do because I've never given up on us, not for a second, no.

This heart still has it all bursting at the seams, just wait closely and you'll see.

 33.

***************

I'll go get a ring, let the choir bells sing.

Heart's Crossed, Tongue's Tied;

5 more weeks, 37 days, 2220 hours.

And I don't know how else to tell you how much I love you, how much I need you, and how much I'll miss you, 3 hours from now.

I need you to know that I may not write you romantic letters, I may not surprise you with gifts, but one thing's for sure, I'll be true to you, till the very very end because you're the only thing that mean more than the whole fucking universe to me.

And it's because I still want to hold your hand and tell how lucky I am to have you by my side, how proud I am to have met someone like you. And it's because I want to take this walk with you, through the good, the bad, and everything in between. And it's because you're the one that I want to fight my fears with, and yours as well. And it's because I want to be the boy who will paint a genuine smile on your face every time we gaze into each other's eyes. And it's because without you is worse than having 1000 daggers stabbing right through my heart. And it's because you're the only one who can tear my walls that I've been living around. And it's because you're the only one who can make me smile and say, I'm the luckiest boy on earth to have you. And it's because you make me weaken my knees every time I hear someone saying your name. And it's because I'll still wait for you, no matter what, no matter when, even if it takes me to pluck the stars for you, I would.

And it's because it still stings every time I hear his name coming out of your mouth and everytime I see you texting him. I won't lie, I'm jealous, and it hurts, because I want you more than ever, selfishly.

These are the words that comes from the heart, mind, and soul. And I hope that you'll know.

I've always loved you from the start, Minsscreamsjaarfcukin'vis/Lee Min Yen/Minsey Baby/ Minsey Massacre/Applekinsmunchkinshoneykinssugarpiehoneybunchkins/Baby Doll, I always have.

And I hope that you'll see this one day, because I'll continue to pray, just like how I do every night ever since 4 months ago.

****************

I somehow find, you and I collide.

Thinking, That's All;

'Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that’s love, even if it doesn’t seem very exciting.'

And this is what I promise to give you, eternally. Even when the stars don't seem to shine anymore and you feel that you've lost all hope and you're alone, I'd always be right here for you to fall back on, just to push you back up again.

So open up, give yourself a chance to feel again, a chance with me, a chance with us and take this jump with me, because I swear, I'll promise to make you feel so much happier, more that you'd ever know. Because trust me, I'd do whatever it takes to turn this around, from the simplest of things to the most sophisticated ones, I would, just to feed on the slightest chance to be us again.

Trust, integrity, honour, honesty, love, glory. This is what I'll offer you. My genuine self, this is what I'll give to you with all my heart and soul, I promise.



*****************

These hearts they risk, from self-control.

Heartbeat;

Crowded, stung, thought's running, heart's heavy, desire's burning, hands loathing, mind's thinking about you, about us and everything in between.

I'm tired of playing all these facades, all these faces. I know that I may not show that I miss you, I may not show that I love you, but trust me, every single glance I steal at you makes me wanna just lunge infront and hug you, every single forehead kiss I give you makes me want to give you one more, every time I'm next to you makes me want to hold your hand, every smile you paint makes me wish that it's a little second longer.

I know I may not have the sweetest ideas, I may not say the sweetest things but I'm trying, for you, for me, because I want you to know that without you, who's eyes are there to compare with the glowing sun. But one thing's for sure, I'll love you with all my heart, my whole heart, gracefully and forever.

I miss you, and I love you so fucking much, every minute of every day. I've never for a second given up faith in you, in us, in that one fine day where our fingers intertwine, that one fine day where I can look you in the eye and tell you those three words.

I want to hold you closer and I hope that you do too.

***************

ImissyouIloveyouIwantyouallinmyownselfishways.

You Might Have Noticed;

Just watch me now, watch me make your wildest dreams come true.

I'm trying to fight for you, for us, trust me, I really am. I know I may not be that romantically inclined but one thing's for sure, I'll make you feel so very special, a kinda blissful feeling that I've been saving up to let you have a taste of it, I'll offer you a warm embrace.

Because at the end of the day, what counts is the heart. And every syllable of his name that enters my heart, every time I see you sleeping on the phone with him penetrates the very core of this heart, because I love you in my very own selfish way.

Every single day spent with you is a blessing and just seeing you laugh, worth so much more than winning a jackpot or striking a lottery ticket.

I promise you, this time, I'll try harder, I'm going to go to lengths that I've never done before for a girl, so you'd be the first because I want you so much that it hurts.

I've never lost faith in you, I've never lost faith in us.

You still have all of my heart.

*****************

Well then maybe,

you're going to be the one that saves me.

Flames Like Tinder;

And tonight, I'll miss you even more, more than I thought I did, more than I know I will.

I hope you know, and I hope you'd always keep it close to your heart. And whenever you feel like you're the only one left in this world, listen to 'hands down', and always remember that no matter when, where, what, why, how, there'll always be this one boy who'll always miss you, and who will always want to be with you again. And then maybe, just maybe you'd know that you'll never have to face this world alone.

Cause there'll be no sunlight, if I lose you baby.

***************

Dead hearts are everywhere.

Jue Vu Teh Qwah;

Because you looked flawless tonight, so much so that you made it seem like the word perfection was created after you.

Everything you wore, the colours, the makeup, the was you tied your hair, just complemented each other in the way I exactly hoped to see.

If you only you were in KL, if only you were mine to hold, I swear, I'd be the fucking luckiest fat boy around town.

My heart still dances to every pulse of your voice, to the chills of your breathe, and to every radiant light of your smile.

I'm equally as afraid as you are, I'm equally as vulnerable as you are.

****************

Here my thoughts in every note.

The Woodlands National Anthem;

You said hello, shook my hand with my hair flipped down and that was all it took for me to scream I love you from the deepest darkest space in my heart.

Yes, I still remember every single moment of it. How the air was so crisp that night, the way you stood, the clothes you wore, the sound of your voice, the touch of your hands.

And I dont think I can ever forget this, because honestly, I never knew that, that was going to be the start of the happiest days of my life.

If you're still reading this, hold your heart up high, and I promise you that I'll be there with you through it all, through the good, the bad, and every little space in between.

I want you, I want us, and I'd do it all over again.

****************

When we bleed, we bleed the same.

Hold That Violent Kiss;

Because every time 'The One That Got Away' comes on the stereo, I wish that somehow time would work it magic and suck us back into a week ago. Just simply because I wish you were right next to me in the passenger seat and I would send you little glances that would make this noble heart warm.

I should've told and showed you what you meant to me, how you were every part of me that I cannot afford to lose.

But now I pay the price.

So let me hold you, and hold you so much more closer than ever, just like we first did on that very night when we watched crime watch together.

I miss you Minsey Massacre, so much more than a thousand suns lit up together, and somewhere deep down inside, I hope that there's a part of you that feels the same.

 People will change, and times are constantly rearranging, but you've always had me screaming I love you from the start, just remember that, always and I hope you'll see this too.

*****************

We'd keep all our promises,

be us against the world.

Blood For Wild Blood;

Because he's still lost inside, just as lost as a boy would be for the girl he aches and longs for.

 Ever since that night, I have this constant feeling that my heart is urging to rip itself off my chest, just to be an inch closer to yours.

I can't sleep without thinking about you, I can't help but to think about how you are when I first open my eyes in the morning, I can't help but wish that you are in the passenger seat whenever I drive, just so that I can look at you from time to time, I can't help but to wish that I could sing to you whenever Adele comes on the radio, I can't help but wish you were here whenever I'm in Asia Cafe, I can't help but wish to hold you hand every time you were walking infront of me.

And I'd die to steal time to rewind to that very moment again, just to see that genuine smile of yours because I still want to, and not ashamed off show the world that you're my queen.

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the afternoon, but I'd never ever do you wrong.

Just 6 and a half more weeks, so open up, and let me take you to neverneverland.

*****************

But this darkness has a hunger,
it offers blood for wild blood.

Smile Like You Mean It;

Watching you sleep on skype tonight, just made me realized how much I' actually really miss you too.

Imissyousofuckingmuchit'dhurtswheneverIthinkaboutyou.

Your voice, your smell, your touch, it all still lingers around me, all the time.

But you know what they say, if it doesnt hurt, then it wouldn't be real.

I'm not leaving, I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here.

I love you to death, Lee Min Yen, and that's one thing from me that no one else would ever have.

**************

I love you, and I don't know if you do,

but I hope that you do too.

Us Vs Them;

'I want somebody to sleep with the rest of my life, and someone to cuddle up with during a movie on the couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Talk about dreams, make dreams. Have fights, the kind that only really matter just as long as you're having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers once in a while, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think 'this might make my girl smile' as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he's got and that guy is none other than, Julian Loh Wen-Zhi.

I love you forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always and forever and always, 

YOUR MINSEY MASSACRE BABY GIRL.'

Because I was looking through our wall posts to each other and this caught my heart. I don't know if it'll catch yours, but it certainly did catch mine.

I miss the times we had, the plans we made, the things we had so very wanted to look forward too together.

I'd still do all of them with you, if you're up for it. I want to show the world that you're still my queen, and nothing is going to ever change that perception.

I've whispered I love you in many different ways, and I mean every single one of them.

Listen, just listen.

******************

Hope, dangles on a string,
like slow spinning redemption.

Lover;

I just needed you to see that I would do wonders just to warm your heart up.

I just needed you to see that I would want to fight for you now, in every single way.

I just needed you to see that I still have faith in you, in us and I hope that you would still have that too.

I just needed you to see that you've moved mountains in my heart.

I just needed you to know that you're everything I've prayed for, every single night before I sleep since september.

I just needed you to see that I'd still hold you close to me, and I'd love you, no matter what, no matter when.

This is my promise, my oath, and my word to you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen.

Because I still look at this picture every night before I sleep, and smile to know that I lost my heart to someone like you.

And it's hurting more than ever tonight.

I've been waiting for that second chance, and I always will be, be it now, or a 1000 years, I'll wait.

************

Up in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep.

Like Crazy;

And because, I've never felt this vulnerable ever before.

'I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we’re friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t, I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.'

Because this quote hit me when I read it, they are the words that I never had the guts to sing to you, face to face.

I've never stopped caring for you through all these years, through all these memories, just simply because you have beautiful heart, and I'll be here for you through it all.

 I love you more than ever before tonight.

For you, for me, for us, and for everything we'll ever conquer together, so come back, back to me, back to where the mountains meet the sea.

*************

You'll still be beautiful then,

bless your beautiful heart