Joyuex Anniversaire;

Happy birthday, you.

And I pray that you'll have a good one, and continue to shine as radiant as the sun.

***************

Happy birthday, happy birthday.

December, Don't Break My Heart;

Just so you know, you've never left my mind even when I've a million things to think about.

I guess that's what hope and faith does to you. It keeps you going on even when you know that you're heading on a one way road to hell.

I fell for your thoughts, the way you said my name, and how you make you speechless.

 I ache to be inside your mind, just so that I could hear the whisper of every thought, get lost in your deepest desires.

I want you lying down next to me, and with my fingers will I trace the outline of your cheeks, before running down to fill the gaps between your fingers.

I've seen the best of you and the worst of you and I choose both. I want to share every single one of your sunshines and save them for later. I want to tuck them into my pockets and give them back to you when the rains fall hard. I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself. I want to be the air in your lungs to remind you to breathe easy. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, hold my hand, and I promise, I won't let go.

Most of it all, I fell for you, I ache for you, I want you.

****************

And with one last breath, he held her close,

And with one last breath, he gave her his world.

Princess Of China;

It's feels like its been forever since we've looked at each other in the eye, with glances that are so full of grace, overshadowing the tendency of the long strained animosity that might blow up anytime. 

And I honesty tried to pull myself up together over tr last few months, to put a fortress within my heart to guard it from the very one thing that destroyed me, from a foe that I know so well as vulnerability. 

But no matter how far I run, how deep I try to hide, how strong a face I paint on my face, my heart eventually catches up, reminding me of every little memory left of you that's engraved in my mind and soul. 

And it's the fear that we might end up like how every other normal ex couple would, strangers. This is killing me, because I'm still trying to fight for this, to pull us away from that very path which I can already imagined it to be, the both of walking pass each other without any form of recognition. This is what that's killing me darling, because I'm not ready for that to happen yet, and I don't know how to make you see it. 

And this is the story of how a little boy once fell for the girl of his dreams, and has been living in memory lane every since. 

And I'd want to have you know that I'll always be here for you, whether you see it or not, because that's what love does to one person, to never give up on something that constructs their world. 

I still cherish you, and I'll always be here, munchkins, no matter how hard you try to push me away,  I'll always be right here, hoping for the day where you'd learn to see that there is a boy in this world who's never given up on you, that it is possible or a boy to love a girl that much, and for the day you'd finally open up that gracious heart of yours to the possibilities again, if you ever do.

Because I'm still wishing that you'd tear down the walls of your heart, just so that we could talk a little more, know a little more, and maybe, just maybe then, we'll learn to appreciate each other a little more. 

Because if I could fly up to the surface just to start it all over again, I would. I just need you to see this with an open heart, an open mind, and with and open soul. 

Come tomorrow, I know I'll be wishing that you're right next to me when coldplay plays fix you.

Sing me to sleep tonight, love. 

****************

Like a river to a raindrop,

I've lost a friend. 

Wishbone;

Because until today, I'm still trying like how I did when I first met you.

I know you care, I see in it the way that you stare.

I've never known a winter so cold.

*************

I hope that it was always there.

This Is Love;

Because my mind drifts alongside with the whispers of the dull, dark, crispy wind tonight, back to a place where the sun shined brighter, radiating in its full glory, and everything seemed sweeter than ever.

That very point in time where it felt like love did indeed conquered all, that point in time where we laughed genuinely with our hearts, and enjoyed every moment spent together. That point in time where my life was filled with you, just you, and nothing but you.

I can't stop thinking about you tonight. I can't stop thinking what life would've been for us had we stuck together, side by side, through it all. I could only imagine the amount of joy we would have tasted, the amount of love we would have encountered, and the amount of memories we would've collected together.

Because behind all this little games, I hope that you still care, like how I still care for you.

I miss you, with all my heart, my soul, and my very being, and I just need you to see this. So cling on to me, like the last breathe you would breath.

More than he ever do, more than he ever will.

******************

This time, we'll fade out tonight.

Home Is In Your Eyes;

Never ever put up with someone who's reckless with your heart.

Why put yourself in such a low position to run back to the person who's proven to have destroyed your heart over and over again?

Wake up munchkins, you deserve so much more.

Maybe in due time, you'd realize all of this, and I pray that you will because the ones that really love you are the ones that would never hurt you.

There is more to this, I know.

************

Love, Live, Lust.

The Left Side Of Everywhere;

Because it's never easy to look at the girl you love in her eyes, knowing that her heart belongs with someone else.

Strength.

I loved you in the best way possible, and I still do.

*************

M.

With God's Grace, Amen;

It's funny to be reminded that the way you write for him now, was how you used to write for me.

And it's even funnier to see how you write for him now, is exactly the way I write my posts for you.

I'm not angry, I've grown too tired to be angry. Its just that it still haunts me, every piece of memory left of you.

But worst of it all, you write everything with no sense of remorse, like going behind my back was part of your plan.

Grace.

And until today, I still don't know why I miss you.

***********

Come down from your towers.

Little Places, Little Faces;

I can almost tell what you want, you don't want to be alone.

Well, nobody wants to, neither do I.

I miss all those times we had, with you, with our friends and it tears me apart to see what we've all become now.

Because no matter what, I'd always have that place for you in my heart.

From lovers to strangers, from dust to ashes.

I never thought that one could miss another this much. What amplifies it is the fact that there is no avenue to let it all out.k

We called it too early, but maybe one day we'll both feel the same again.

Changes, changes.

************

I'm not the best you could've attained,

but I'd try anyway.

Fuck Peace, Make War;

Lies, lies and lies.

When will you ever fucking learn? Make lies your forte, and it'll be the same reason for your downfall.

You'll fucking pay for your sins one day.

Because you'd know I'd still try to make things right with you, with us, but only to find out that it'd all fuck up somewhere, somehow.

So tell me, what do you want from the heart, darling?

***************

Once a liar, always a liar.

Your Bones;

Now it seems like a world away, but I miss that day.

And we all, do it all, because it stole our hearts.

************

Gonna light up the sky,

So ignore the stars.

2011;

How long are still gonna hold on to this double-edged sword called dishonesty?

Was it ever that hard for you to be honest with yourself on how you feel, for us, for me?

Was it ever that hard for you to be honest with me?

I know very well the way you convey your messages, darling. The sublimal acts you pull together, the in-between the lines reading, the vague conviction, I know them all. You can hide it from the world through the way you lie, but at the end of the day, it's yourself that you can't lie away.

I remember all the things you said to me, every inch of it, with clear pristine memory. I remember all the things we ever shared. The tears we cried together when we found that you were not coming back for a semester, the tears I shed silently when I knew that the only girl I loved so much went behind my back and that I was not good enough for her, the smiles, the laughter, those little fights we had, and the reconciliation that comes after.

I remember, I remember, I remember.

So tell me what is it that is keeping you from being honest to me, to yourself?

I'm tired of this anger, this hatred. So help me, help you.

For your own sake, and with the love of Christ himself, I hope that one day you'll know, you'll see all of this, one day, one fine day.

****************

Practice truth, and fear nothing.

Welcome to St Tropez;

And because every time that song comes on, my mind just dissipates effortlessly back to where things were more than any other boy could ever ask for. My heart starts to float, my worries vanished in a breeze, and I'd get that same old shivers you gave me when we first met.

Then the other half comes out to play, poisoning every inch of good reminiscence left of you in me, reminding the heart that there was another part of you that comes in to play, a part so ugly that I've failed to see from the very start.

I'm sorry darling, if things are as shitty as they are now. I don't how it ever started and when is all this going to end. It's not been easy for me to just look at you in silence when you preach your stories of your day. It's certainly not easy for me to look at you with my arms folded up all to myself because truth be told, you'd know I'd still jump infront of the line just to give you a hug and tell you how much I missed you.

But life has a certain funny way of coming into terms. You wanted everything to be this way, you planned your course from the very start through your lies and schemes and you took me for granted for the things you knew that I would still do for you till this day. I'm just going to take this bullet for you, smile and give you this which is what you've always wanted and I hope that you're satisfied with everything you've achieved to this day through your lies and how every boy you see is just a toy for you to have your fun with.

This is where I'll usually type things like 'I miss you, I love you' but this time it's different. Why? Because I've already said this a million times and you'd already know how I feel. But there's also one thing, I now know that as much as I'll always love you and I'll always miss you, you'd probably never feel the same anymore and I'd just feel like a complete arsehole who was taken for granted again.

Someone had to draw the line, but I'll be coming back for you one day.

I'll always love you, always and forever.

****************

We took it all apart, but I'm wishing I'd stay.

Hello Conscience;

I guess, this is what fame does to you, you see. It forces you to move on even if there are bits and pieces in the past that are worth holding on to.

And I bet you'll miss all of this, sometime soon.

**************

Look up in the sky, and I see red.

Faith, Volume ll;

I'm falling all over again, from all the words that you have to say.

So listen, with an open heart, listen to what he has to say.

'So tell me why does it have to be this way, why can't things ever change?'

It goes to show I hope that you know that you are, what my dreams are made off.

I'm not giving up on this, not on you, not on us just yet.

Love, faith, hope.

**************

Come down from your towers.

Major Minus;

I've never felt this lost before, this sense of insecurity that seems to haunt me through every motion I make, that piles up more and more as each second passes by.

And the worst part of it all is that nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care, nobody seems to heed my cries.

I can't further explain how much I'm lost for you.

Come back already, this has been going on for way too long. I miss you, I need you, I love you.

***********

We'll all be singing paradise, one day.

Angels;

Because all it ever took was just one glance at you, and you at I, that made me realize why I fell in love with you from the very start.

I hate this little realm that we are in now, where the only thing that keeps us talking is our little everyday fights. All I ever longed for was just to have a day with you, where we would smile, laugh, tease, tickle each other with jokes or tales of how our days went by, together. 

I don't know how to pull ourselves out of this ugly little bubble that we're in now, I don't have all the answers to every question. But one thing's for sure, no matter how hard you try to push me away, I'm not moving anywhere and with all the strength I have left in me, I'd fix this, even it's going to take light years, just you watch me. I did not fall in love with you then just because things were good, I fell in love with you knowing that this was all part of the package.

Because no matter what I do, no matter what I've tried, no matter how long it has been, my heart still yearns for you like it has always does. I don't know how else to show it to you, nor to convince you, but all I have left is that little shimmering hope that one fine day, you'd see this, and see this through with me.

Because while I can't have you for now, I still long for you. I belong to that one very small cluster of people that would miss a train or a plain just to meet you for coffee. I'd take a taxi across town to see you for ten wholesome minutes. I'd wait outside all night if I thought you would open the door in the morning. And if you ever decide to call me out of the blue and say 'Will you ..', my answer is 'Yes', even before your sentence is out. I spin worlds where we could be together, and I still dream of you every single day and night. 

You still light a fire, a flame in my heart.

I love you, and that's all there is to it, so lets runaway from these lights, for just one more time.

***************

Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen.

If I Don't Stay;

Yes I miss you still, and probably always will.

I miss you, I miss you everyday, I miss you when I don't see you now, and I miss you even more when you're right infront of me in a few weeks time because my arms would be dying to hug you, just to feel the evermore familiar warmth you've always given me.

I miss you love, so where are you now?

One more shot, one more leap, one more night, that's all we'll ever need.

Cinta.

**************

I have my conscious screaming,

where do we go from here.

She Said I;

Because I've tried, I swore I've tried for these few weeks, with every will power summoned to look at life from a different ray of light, from a different angle, an angle where being alone isin't really that bad.

But who am I kidding, every angle that I turn to without you in it feels naked. It's motionless, colourless, and meaningless, because with every muscle I turn to, I still see your ghost lingering through my mind. Reminding me how the grass was so much greener with you in it, and how much I'd die for to have you back in my arms.

Because these are the few words that I pray through every night, religiously, like a monk chanting his mantra, or like a little boy memorizing his first nursery rhyme.

'I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether happy or sad or whatever
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Forever and always, forever and always'.

 So if you're reading this tonight, remember this, recite this, think of these words because you've never slipped out of my mind for once, through all these times, not for a second, nor a minute. 

I swore to you that night almost a year ago that I would always be here for you, through thick and thin, through good and bad, when you asked me with your head leaning on my chest, listening to the beat of my heart, and I'm still holding on to my promise, because I still love you with every alphabet that spells my name, with every love that God himself blessed me with.

So I love you, Min, because the whole universe conspired to help me find you,  and I'm not ready to give up on you, on us, on this yet.

 

Take my hand, take my whole life through.

*****************

As he says, I love you forever, forever and always,
Please just remember even if I'm not there,
I'll always love you, forever and always.

Worlds Apart;

This is the most fucked up night ever.

Strangers.

****************

So goodnight you,

goodnight moon.

Fader;

This vulnerability, this pain, this desire for things to rewind to how it used to be, this craving, this deepest of deepest of affection, it will all consume you, slowly, like cancer spreading out through your body.

I would know, because the amount of love I have for you in unmeasurable, but at the same time it's reaping me into parts.

And the worst part is, I can't control it, I can't fight it, I can't stop it.

 I don't know how else to let you know, or how else to show you how much I want things to be normal again.

I love you, I always had, I always will.

*****************

Dream a little dream of me.

I Can't Make You Love Me;

Because I fear this vulnerability, this shattering essence that makes it all so easy for you to just enter right back into my life, with just with one hug, one kiss, one touch.

Because I fear of being put in the state of disappointment again, but at the same time, the fear of losing you once and for all overwhelms every minute fear that's left out there. Because I know, that the pain of not having you right next to me kills tenfolds.

I pray that tonight you'd fully open yourself to me, to fully open yourself to the feelings inside you, to fully open yourself to the possibilities of us being stronger than ever.

I need you to see this, I hope you'd see this.

Let's just hold each other close for one more time, for one last time because we'll make it through, I swear we would. Hand in hand, heart to heart.

I need you to trust me, to trust your heart, and to trust in us because I know that deep down in you, there's a fire ready to burn it's flames out, because I still choose to believe in this thread of hope left in us. This is how much faith I still have in you, in this.

I love you.

***************

Because she'll never have,

what we had.

The Art Of Getting By;

We could have tried. We could have been better. We could have been more than just a pair of broken hearts.

Because this is the only sanctum where I feel that my desires are heard, where there's no room for disappointment, for despair, for let downs, but only filled with hope. I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise up late and I still feel as if I have hardly slept, with my mind circling with thoughts of you even in the realm of unconsciousness, with every growing hope of holding you by the minute.

I miss you, and every inch of your fiber being. Every memory, every little joy you've brought in my life still plays on repeat, like an antique gramophone, projecting every thread of recollection left as clear as possible, lingering through every vein in my body.

Sing me songs, hold me close, whisper into my ears, fill me with tales of your days, let me know how annoying I am, let you know how well you can dress, let you climb on to me whenever you see me, let me kiss your forehead when we hug, let me stare into your eyes, let me tell you lullabies, let you teas me fat, let you force me to carry you and do carry-ups wherever you're at, let me tell you about your friends, let me hug you and touch your hand, let you call me whenever you miss me, let you call me whenever you need me. These are the things that I love the most, that I miss the most, that I'd wish we'd honestly fall back into, because these are just some of the joys you've delivered through your existence, and these little joys are strong enough to remain scarred in my heart, forever and always.

I'm sorry for everything. For the state we are in now, for the regrets that has made us this way, for whatever that has happened that I wished would not have happened. For the things that were not said when it was supposed to, for the things that were not done when it could have. For the bad times that have led to our downfall, for the good times that we've taken granted on. For everything that has made us fear each other. For the times I wished and hoped with every inch of my being that things will turn around hopefully. For the times I miss you, and for the times that I hope that even now, with things so ugly, that this would all change to be better. Because I miss you, and I swear, I'd kill the world just to hug you now, because I still love you with every glimmer of hope left in me.

But the thing is, do you see the light in my heart?

I've never stopped loving you, and I don't think I ever will, not now, not in the near future, not ever just because you're still the one who can make my knees tremble and tear down every single inch of armor I've learned to build against you, with the sound of your voice, the scent of your hair, the touch of your hand, the sight of your presence.

So open up your heart, let yourself feel, don't close it up on me, not on us, not just yet because we can be stronger, like we have been and you know that. Take my hand and take this leap of faith with me. Trust yourself, trust me, trust in us for just one last time.

Because darling, love doesn't end just because we don't see each other because in my eyes, you'll always be nothing less than marvelous.

If you're still reading this, I love you forever; whatever happens. Until I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I'll drift about forever, all my atoms, until I find you again, and I hope that deep down somewhere you'd still feel the same thing too. I pray that you won't shut us out just yet, not just yet honeybee.

Have a shot at writing this fairytale one more time, just one more time.





***********************

Hands down,

this is the best day I can ever remember

Live, Life, Love;

Because I sit here every night, with every angle that I turn to, and with single every thing that I set sight on, tells me how much I miss you without a single doubt.

I want you to know that with everything that has happened, this heart is still pure to you, because those happy times I had with you, mainly carved the whole picture of my life. I don't know if you knew this, but now I hope you do.

Come back, fall back, take my hand and take this leap, because even the stars fall for us, knowing that you're worth it.

Aku rindu padamu, dan aku tetap akan cinta padamu untuk selama lamanya.

I'm not giving up on us.

*************

Never faltered, never will.

Athazagoraphobia;

And you're sitting right here next to me, with my heart telling my head to hold back my arms from holding you, to hold back my mouth to tell you how much I miss you, to tell my eyes how much I wanna see you.

Worst of all, my heart is telling my heart to hold back from letting you know how much I need you because that's exactly how I'd hope you know.

Let's find new ways to fall apart, together again.

**************

With all these words to say,

and hearts to feel.

Run, Baby, Run;

We could have been stronger, I swear we could.

So listen to this darling, because this is what the heart yearns to let you know.

Its easy for some of us to utter words like 'let it all go, you'd be better that way', words that provide a temporal rift of contentment, a 5-minute empowerment that you'd feel that things will be all right before hitting right back in it again. But nobody knew that following what you've preached would be harder than   anything else in the world.

I apologize for all those times I've put you through, times that you'd had to face the darker side of me that I once swore I'll never show you.  I apologize for the tears streamed through your cheeks, pain that striked your heart, and sleepless nights that I wished I was right there with you. I'm sorry, but that's because I was afraid of losing you again, to fear the state that we're exactly in now.

Because everything I do, still reminds me off you. That feeling when I lie in bed at night alone, remembering all those times you'd ask me random questions that sounded so silly till we'd laugh, or even those silent moments and that's when I'd wish you'd be right here again next to me. Those times where I'd wake up and when I turned my head to the right, the first thing I'll see is you. Those nights where you'd lie on my chest with my arms wrapped around you, though short-lived, but nonetheless gave me a sense of tender-loving-care. Because at the end of the day, no matter how ugly every day would've been, one thing I could tell myself and smile at it was that the fact you are right, right now, and at that point of that, that's all that mattered.

I miss you, and I miss everything about you, the good times and the bad. Those times where you'd make me to watch you cook, then sprung onto me with your arms around my neck while waiting for the water to boil or the rice to cook. Those times where we'd watch documentaries about north korea, and you'd whisper to me, telling me how much you'd want to be there see what it is like. Those times where we'd laugh at each other when other people are around. Those times where you'd ask me what to do, now that a certain friend of yours has came back into your life. Those times where you'd sit with you while you shower, just so you'd have someone to talk to. It's these little moments, that I've taken for granted, not knowing that you were right here with me to indulge in it, and I've always wanted more from you and I apologize. I miss you darling, and trust me, if I'd have a magic bottle with me now, I'd wish it'd take us back to that place where everything was still good, untarnished, and filled with joy.

And it aches me to see where we've placed ourselves at today. To see that in the past, calling you before you'd go to bed or even texting you in the morning, just to wish you a great day at school was easier than answering a multiple choice-d question in an exam, but now even the thought of sending you a text requires a million times more effort just because I'm scared of what I'd face, to know that although I'd say I miss you, it probably wouldn't have an effect on you. And this is what that kills me even more, from day to day, to see that slowly but surely, we'd slipping away into oblivion, a point of no return. I don't want to lose you, I'm not ready to lose you, and I'm not going to let you go just yet, because no matter how tough it is, no matter how much I say I'm walking off, the fact is, I'm not strong enough, not strong enough to know that the girl that pierced through every inch of armor built around my heart and conquered it to be out within my reach. Because I still love you with every single memory that's left of us, and every glimmering hope that one day, you'd find your way back to this.

This is probably the third time I'm telling you how much I miss you, because I really really do. I don't know how else to let you know this, but neither do I know how to keep it all in when it's growing exponentially by the hour. I wished that we'd still call each other at night, even if its keeping quiet at the other end of the line, because at least I'd know that for that 10 second gap, you're right here with me. I pray, and I pray, and I pray.

So please, with your evermore gracious heart, I wish that you'd be here right next to me, to give this one more chance, to open yourself to all the things that might be made possible together, be it now, or sooner in time, when you're ready, because I'm not going anywhere. I still want to be the one who'll make you feel like the queen of the world, I want to be the one who'll take away the very definition of sorrow from your life's dictionary. I still want to be the one who'll give you more than what a girl would ever get. Nobody deserves to give up on the ones they love, and its because you still have a grip on every inch of my heart, that I'm not going to give up on the one I hold dearest to, you.

I love you, Lee Min Yen, and I hope that with your white eyes, you'd see this. I love you with every single raindrop that falls from the sky, telling you that a boy has never loved a girl this way before, and I hope that deep down in you, theres a part of you which sees this and hopefully feels the same way. I love you, I love you, and I love you more than you'd ever know.

My heart's filled with faith, only to pour it on you in the most glamourous way possible.

I love you from the bottom of my heart and soul, always and forever. I've never stopped loving you, not for a second, or a momentarily pause in time.

Hold on darling bee, it's all going to get better, because no matter what they say, they'd never know the happiness that you've filled my life with, the joy that you've managed to make me feel, and the love that you've made me cherish.

Love is about giving chances, when there are no more chances left, so light up, light up, because even if you cannot hear my voice, I'd be right beside you dear.

*******************

You've got the faith, 

that I could bring paradise.

Stay Young, Stay Foolish;

Because no matter how hard I try to fight this, how hard I try to convince myself, my mind wouldnt release me from the grips of your heart, and my heart wouldn't free me from the touch of your soul.

It's because it is through you, that I've learned to never give up on the things easily, especially the ones that you love the most. And it's because it is through you, that you have made me a better person, to see things from a different perspective, to not take things for granted, to cherish every living moment when the moment's still here. And it's because it is through you, that you've taught me how to love unconditionally, no matter how rough the seas are, to not give up on hope, to hold on to faith because these are the things that will bring you closer to that little thing that you've always fought for one day.

Lover, that one thing that I treasure more than the riches of the world, is you and always will be you.

So tell me darling, tell me everything that you want to say, tell me every little thing, because I'm here to stay and I'm not running away ever.

Come what may, I promise you this, that your heart is always safe with me.

I love you like how a baby loves his first chocolate cake, and truth be told, I'll always love you forever and always.

It's you, it's you, it's all for you, everything I do, I'd do it all again.

*****************

Live, dream, fear.

Sunday Sundance;

And when all I ever did was love you with every inch of care, affection and goodness I had, but in return, all you ever repaid me was with the currency of lies, deception, and unfaithfulness.

Do you even know how much it hurts to be in this state, how this feels, and how this would always feel?

Well, I guess you don't and I'm still praying that you'd see the light one day, one fine day because I still love you like theres no tomorrow.

**************

And the best liar award goes to you.

Heavy Burdens;

Tonight, was the night you made me believe why everything was all so worthwhile.

Who would knew a few simple words would carve a smile wider than the oceans, and deeper than the cracks of the earth.

I miss you too, from the bottom of my heart and soul.

We've got a world to conquer, to embark and to adjourn together.

*************

Cause I've been trying way too long,

To try to be the perfect song.

M _ N _;

It's days like these, where the sky shades in a tone darker than the ashes, and pours out with every raindrop that represents that yearning of this heart to be with you, that gets to me.

I miss you and every little thing you do, from the way you cared, to the way we'd just stare at each other under the sheets that amplifies this little stinging in my heart to see where we are now.

Come back, back to me, where the mountains meet the sea because every day spent with you is golden, and it radiances through my very life, to know that you're right here next to me, to hold you, to love you, and truth be told, I want all that back, every single bit of it.

I love you, I've always loved you, and I will always love you, no matter what gets in the way, no matter how much it pays, I will.

You're the goosebumps coming to life, and the hair on the back of my neck rising to the occasion. You're the lump in my throat and the tightness in my chest that steals my breath away at your sight. You're my chapped lips and nervous stutter, but most of all, you're everything that made me so terrified about love, but yet, you're the reason why I'm ever so excited to seize it.

You just don't know this yet.

**************

Hold you, love you, steal you.

Golden Boys, Golden Toys;

Because I still love you, no matter what has happened, I still do, every second of every way.

With all my heart and soul, with all my heart and soul. I have not loss a single bit of love for you, because I know that deep down in you, you've still have the biggest heart a boy could ever ask for, in a girl. I've never faltered, never swayed away, never withered.

Come back skinny love. Hear me out, for this heart has never screamed so loud before.

I'm not loosing faith in you, in us, because what would it mean to love a person if I don't stick through the good and the lowest points in life, for to love you, is to be by your side, be it good or bad.

We've got too much to loose, and you and I know this.

I love you, I love you, I love you, and if it takes me a million times to let you know this, I would.

*************

I told you to be patient,

I told you to be kind.

Faith;

With everything that's happened tonight, I still hope that one day, we'll sing about the feelings that we have, the things we've yet to do, and all those little fragments of life we've all longed to share.

And when you're ready, I'll be here. I'm not backing down my word, I never have planned to.

I still pray that you'll take my hand, to cross with me to the other side, to show you what's it like to be someone's one and only, to hold you, to carry you, to do silly little things that would brighten up your day, and to tell you I love you. I pray that with all my heart and soul everyday, because I'll still be here for you every step of the way.

I still love you with every breath I take, and every breath I take out. I'm not going anywhere darling, I'm not leaving, I've never left.

And I hope you'll see this one day, because I still believe in you, in your grace, in your heart.

Cause I still feel you crawling, and I hope that you'd feel the same too.

There will be pain, there will be glory and my heart will wait, it'll wait for you.

*************

Be mine, little juliet.

Bleed, Red, Flow;

It's because I still have this fire in my fingers, that makes me believe in this, in you, and the way your eyes captivate mine whenever you look at me.

I still remember that very day when you leaned your head against my shoulder in that dim lighted room, where it was just the both of us. I could have sworn that was the day which reminded me why the world spins and stars collide, because of you, because of fate.

And I'm still seeking for that little solace, and when I told you I'm right here to stay, I meant it with every inch of my heart.

I'm not going anywhere, not now, not ever, because that's how much I've learned to love you, how much you've changed the course of my life, and you're my sweetest heroin.

I love you, Lee Min Yen, I always had, and I always will.

Forever and always <3.

************

And your heart starts to wonder,

where on this earth I could be.

Hang On, Hang Tight;

Hopes and faith, can only bring you so far. I'm still praying everyday, that'd you see it, that you'd see through this all, that the day where you'd open your heart up to me fully to let me sweep you off your feet again would come sooner.

I'm still praying, ever more religiously, because I believe in you, and because you're only one person where I wouldn't walk away from just like that, no matter how hard the times are.

I pray, I pray, and I pray. So come back, come back where its almost easy.

It's the wrong kinda place, to be thinking of you.

************

You don't shoot it , how am I supposed to hold it.

Honour, Trust, Faith, Glory;

Because all these thoughts, they wander, they ponder, they question, they threaten and roam the very gaps of my mind like an endless race track, with each thought desperately trying to find the finish line that would put the heart at peace.

Because this heart has never feared of losing something this significant ever, and fears the outcomes of it, yet craves to hold you closer than ever, with it's guard down because with that, the sincerest of feelings, the warmest of love, the most genuine touches of all would be passed on to you. 

And this boy craves for that, knowing that fears, doubts and insecurities are part of the package, this boy is willing to risk everything, almost anything to just hold you, look you in the eye and tell you about the stars and the moon and whisper those three words that you've said to him, which painted his whole life in a much more colourful way.

Because this girl has thought him the meaning of generosity, the meaning of how to love one fearlessly, and this girl has so much so became his very pillar of strength, fortitude, grace, and joy that anchors within the very pinnacle of his heart, and this is something that no other girl within these 6 billion souls would be able to provide him with.

This boy is me, and this girl is, you.

Despite everything, despite everything that's happened from the past and present, I still love you like theres no tomorrow, stronger and stronger with each day that passes by and never for a second I've given up faith on you, on me, on us.

You asked me that night, with my arms wrapped around you and our eyes interlocking, why have my feelings not withered a single bit despite everything that's happened in the past, well, it's because I love you with all my heart and what would it all mean if I were to let you go during the lowest times in life.

Therefore, I hope you'd see and know that my heart is laid down for you on a bed of roses, waiting for you to pick it all up and mould them within your palms, because whether it is to wither or blossom, my heart is forever yours to hold. So hold it tightly and keep our promises, because I swear to you, we'll be stronger than ever before.

I promise you that I'll always hang on when this heart's had enough and to give you more than ever before whenever you feel like giving up.

With the million stars in the sky, each signifying my promise to you, I swear that I'll love you genuinely and honestly, till the rivers all run dry, Lee Min Yen. 

Faith, trust, trust, faith, and I hope you'd do the same too.

************

Honesty lives within the soul,

Honesty will make you ever more whole.

Superman;

And these are the words that I've been saying to you, and I'll always say to you for as long as I breathe on the surface of this earth;

I love you, and you're worth more than a million dreams. I love you, and nothing is going to ever take that away from you. I love you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen, more than you'd ever know and I'm just ever so grateful to have you in my life, now and forever on <3.

You're my saving grace, and I hope that you know that.

***************

I'm only a man looking for her dreams.

A Small Dedication;

And I hope that you'll see this through with me, just because you still have all of my heart.

My hands are shaking cold, they're all yours to hold, so hold my hand and we'll take this leap, I plea you, because I'll be right here, to hold you, to cuddle you, to brush your hair, to gaze into your eyes, and to wipe the tears off your face and just to carve that smile on your face again.

I've never been so sure about anything, until I met you, and I mean all of this from the deepest spaces of my soul.

And we'll take this all step by step, heart to heart, left right left, and I'll cross my fingers, waiting to hold you even closer than now.

I love you, and it's all beyond these three words. I love you minsey massacre, I fucking fucking do.

With faith comes hope.

****************

You said, you said that you would die for me.

Midnight Run;

Because I still want to be the first person that comes to your mind in the morning and the only person in your sweetest dreams, well because that's who you are to me.

You've somehow managed to conquer every segment, of angle, every retentive area of my mind like a rocket, and somehow, I wished that this would stay forever, because nothing makes me smile wider than the thought of you.

So please darling bee, you're the only one thing in my life that I've ever been so sure about, without qualms, without questions, without doubts.

So pick me, like how I've picked you from the very start, because a single day spent with you, is a single day closer that my heart is drawn into, because lightning does not strike on the same ground twice, and now that you're here, I'm ready to hold you so much tighter and never ever let you slip away.

I love you baby girl, I always will, and even if you skin gets wrinkly in 80 years down the road, you'd still be the prettiest girl I've ever ever seen, and you'd still be that girl that I'll always ask myself as to how you're the only girl who has manage to steal my heart like no other and keep it all so close with you.

RSLMY <3.

*************

I can't help but know that you're the right one.

Steady Hands, Steady Soul;

Because my heart melted into a thousand fragments when you sang to me just now, when you muttered that very favourite line of my favourite song while looking into my eyes, and I looking into yours. And I wished for that very moment to last for a second longer everytime I think about it, because I knew that, that was the moment that was all so real that I could still feel it all under my skin.

Because every night, I still feel in awe, in awe that the best thing in my life is right infront of me, and this time, I swear, I'm not letting you go, because I'll never stop trying to win your heart everyday, just because when you find the one, nobody is supposed to stop trying.

Took an oath, I'll be here with you through the end of times, and I'll prove it to you, to the world that I'm not afraid and for every second of my life since I met you, that I'm proud to say, I love you <3.

It's the smile that I get in every single dream I dream about you that makes it all worthwhile.

I love you, @minseymassacre, and I've never stopped loving you, that's how much of a part of me you've been.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the last person that you think off at night before you close your eyes and sleep, that's where you'll know where your heart is, you.

Do know that, do remember that, that I'll always love you and I'm here to stay, because no matter what, it's this thought that nobody can ever steal away from you, from me, from us.

'Nothing can ever replace what we have' - Bass Lounge, 3rd March 2012. You'll always have a spell on me.

Stronger.

*****************

This is the best day I can, ever remember.

Neon Sky;

I want to go on a road trip, just you and me, the highway, with our favourite song blasting on the radio while talking while talking about everything and then keeping silent, basking in the silence while I stare at you. And at the same time, we'll fight the urges of our heart to want to hold each other, just to make it all the more special when we actually give in to that temptation. And while all that happen, we'll paint pictures in our minds, images of just you and I, and know that these are memories that we'll never ever forget.

'I want to spend all my days with you. Wrestling over remotes; playing in the mud. Throwing each other in pools. Fighting over the last piece of cheesecake. Killing each other over which TV show we're gonna watch. And then not watching it anyways. I want to make you mad then kiss you. I want you and me, forever.'

I vow to love you, not only now, but till time ends, I'll still hold you close to me, just to shelter you from the very fears that you fear the most.

I love you minseymassacre, and I'll prove to you through the very touch of my hands, the warmth of my heart and the words that I whisper into your ears.

You're definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me throughout my 21 years on this earth, and I'm not going to ever let you go.

So don't give up on us, don't give up on me, don't give up on yourself because we have a journey that we've all longed to embark, and I know that it's all going to be worth it.

***************

So sing me a song,

sing me a song of a thousand dreams.

Cheers To Love;

And because my only wish now is that you'll learn to love me again, just like how we did last July, because I know that when you do this time around, we'll be stronger and much more colourful than ever before.

Take my hand, through the thick and thin, you know that, I'll know that.

I love you with more and more passion everyday, with your laughters and tears to decorate my life, and it's you that I really really want.

8 months ago, 8 months after, I've never lost the faith I had in you, in me, in God, in us, and you still make my heart race all the time, everytime.

This is it, this is now, no matter what the risks are, no matter how fucking tough it'd be, I'm ready because holding you is worth it, more than anything else a boy like me can ever dream off.

So darling, I miss you and I'm still waiting to make you my queen, I want to hold you closer more than ever before, please see that, please know that, always.

******************

So cut out your pride,

don't let this slide.

Architecture In Helsinki;

I just want you to know that no matter what, even when your sky is falling down, or you feel that you've lost all hope in life, I want you to know this and know it truely in your heart, mind and soul, that come what may, I'll always always be here for you, little darling.

Because this is no time to be alone, and I will never fucking let you go. 

And I genuinely pray, with every ounce of grace, joy and faith in me to see you smile, laugh, tear, and scream with the purest of purest of hearts, and when that all happens, I'd be right next to you, smiling, knowing that for that very moment in time, you're sincerely happy, with the whole world smiling back with you.

So babydoll, please hold on to this lullaby, because I'll sing it all again for you, a song for a heart so big like yours, because nobody in this whole wide universe can ever replace you and the spaces that were carved for you in my heart.

Have a little faith with me darling, because not everyone that loves you, leaves you.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

***********

Listen to papa's translation,

and we'll write our own constellations. 

Young London;

8 months ago, you're the girl whom I was going crazy over with ever word you said, ever glance you made, every hug you gave, and every kiss you laid.

8 months later, you're still the girl whom I'm dying to call 'darling', whom I can't stop thinking about, whom without a day has gone back without thinking about you the first thing when I wake up and think of you the last thing before I sleep, whose hands I' still hold, who's waist I wanna circle my arms with, who's eyes I wanna look at, who's voice I wanna hear, who's heart I wanna have.

1 day, and I'm praying more than ever before that you'll see this through with me, and take that leap that I've been ever waiting to take you with. 

Because at the end of the day, despite everything, I'd still rather be with you, no matter what, no matter when, no matter how, just because you have that thing in you that I can never feel with someone else.

Trust me, you're the loveliest thing that these eyes has ever laid on, and this heart of mine that has ever surrendered too, and truth be told, I'd still break my back anytime, just to have one more day with you.

Iloveyouandit'salwaysbeyou, foreverandalways, alwaysandforever, Lee Min Yen.

**************

And when your heart starts to bleed,

you're dead and dead indeed.

Secret Valentine;

Because there's a part of me deep down, that's afraid, that's afraid off it all simply because you mean more than you'll ever imagined you'd be, to me, and I'll say it all over again, everyday, just to show how much I want you ever badly, right here now.

3 days, just 3 days, and I swear, we'll make this last forever.

I need your steady hand to hold my heart, because that's the only way I'll ever feel complete, to fill up that very hollow spot that only can penetrate too. So take a chance with me once again min, like when we've first met, take it once again with me, and I'd swear, I'll make you feel like the only thing you'd be conquering is not only my heart, but the world as well at the palm of your hands.

I love you, everyday, and I've never stopped waiting, and I'm not moving anywhere, because I'm going to be here for you, through the good, the bad, and everything in between. 

Watch me darling, for you, watch me, because I need you, I love you, and I just need you to know this.

Faith.

*******************

Speed up your breathing, just close your eyes.

Just A Kiss;

Because I don't know how else to tell you how much I long for you to be right here in my arms again, how I'd rush to the ends of the earth for you at any given time to save you, how I miss you more and more with every second that passes, with a pain that pierces deeper and deeper into the very core, and how much you, Lee Min Yen, are the girl of my wildest dreams, the girl that in my eyes, are as graceful as all the angels in the heaven, the girl whom I pray every night for a miracle to come true.

And this song plays in my list every single night, just because it's the first song you've ever wrote a poem about to me. I've come to learn every word that is sung, I've learned to decipher every meaning that is conveyed in this song, just hopefully wishing that I'd be able to sing it back to you with your head on my chest, and ears listening to the beat of my heart, one day. 

I'm not giving up, I'm not going anywhere, because I know when that day comes, that's the day where I'll hold closest to my heart, close my eyes, securing you in my arms and get lost in that very moment forever, with you.

And I hope that you still read this blog, because these words are the very words that I've been dying to let you know every single day.

I love you, I've said it everyday, and I'll still say it all again <3.

**************

Just a shot in the dark that you just might be the one,
I've been waiting for my whole life.

You Have Stolen My Heart;

Because my heart has never raced this fast before, or has my fingers ever shivered this much before.

It's because I know that whatever you're going to say in these next few days, is going to change my life forever. But before that, I hope that you'd know this; 

I've always loved you from the start, lee min yen, and I'm not trying to pressure you. I just feel that I need to say it out because I'm afraid that if I don't, it'll be the biggest regret of my life. My heart has never raced like this before, I've never been so scared of hearing what that comes out from a person's mouth before, but that just all means that I can't afford to loose you because you've been so much so, a part of me. You're the one I want to hold on too when I sleep, you're the one I want to conquer all your fears with, you're the one that I want to take care off through the sick times and the healthy times, because you're the one thing that I hold dearest too. Ever since you've came in, you've taught me how to fight for someone and not give up on that someone that you really want, come what may, because at the end of the day, it'll all be worth it, and I see that in you, you're that worth it. I've no idea why, but I do know that its only you who can make my heart race and flutter all together at the same time, because its' just you, leeminyen, you'd just have this thing in you that make everything in this world not matter so long as I get to see you smile, and hear you laugh and I wouldn't have dared to imagine what life would have been if I havent met you because I'd know one thing's for sure, that if I did not meet you, I'd be losing out on the single best thing in my life right now. But now that I do know you, I'd know that no matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes, I'm not going to let you go, because no idiot would let go of that one thing that matters the most, and you're that one thing.

I hope that you'd can see this through, I hope that you'd know because I need you take my hand and trust me, for everything we've been through, and for all the good times ahead, and for the times we'd cross over to the other side where the grass is greener and no matter what, no matter how high the mountains are or how deep the seas are, my arms will be wide open and ever ready to wrap you around tightly when you're ready. I'll always be here min, since april when I first met you and now, I'll always be here for you, love.

I love you, Rhyannae Santoso Lee Min Yen, always and fucking forever <3.

So listen.

***************

And you kissed me like you meant it,

I know that you meant it.

Video Games;

It's you, it's you, it's all for you, everything I do.

And I pray that tonight, somewhere deep inside you, you'd know that you're the only hand that I want to hold, you're the eyes I wanna stare and get lost in, you're the only voice I want to hear, you're the only lips I wanna kiss, and you're the only girl that I wanna whisper those three words to.

And because I've never believed in valentines day, so you'll be the first person that I'll ever want to celebrate valentines day with, and that has actually made me think of ways just to make you smile and hold you tight on this very day.

At the end of the day, it's not the exchange of 'I love you's' that matter, it not the 'I miss you's' that matter, what matters is seeing you happy, and feeling the love and warmth that I've been trying to shower you with.

Happy valentines day, Lee Min Yen, with every love hormone I have left in me, I mean this from the very bottom of my heart and soul and I hope that you'd see that you're the only one that I want to hold to closer more than ever, tonight.

*************

It's you, it's you, it's all for you,

everything I do.

Lego House;

Tomorrow, tomorrow.

And my hands are shaking as I'm typing this now, with the thoughts of being around you, with the thought of being able to look at you directly in the eyes, and stroking your hair backwards just to whisper to your ears how much I've been waiting for this day for the past 6 months and how much I love you that sometimes, it does hurt.

I've never stopped waiting, be it then, now, or in the future, I've never stopped waiting for you.

And I promise you darling, that I'll always be here to pick you up when you're getting down, side by side, step by step, never away from you. And out of all these things I've done, I know I'm ready to love you better than how I ever had before.

Come tuesday, and I'll try to steal your heart with a single breath, trust me, you'll see.

11 days, and tonight, we can truly say, together we are invincible.

****************

I'm gonna paint you by the numbers,

and frame you up my wall.